PHOENIX
Four more days pass.
Despite the conversation with Kazh, I’m not making as much progress as I should. It bothers me, and makes me lose my shit often.
Vera’s studio is a war zone.
“Concentrate!” Kazh demands. “You’re too stubborn! You need to let go of the things that are holding you back. You think your power comes from your rage and anger you keep bottled inside you, bastard child? You think that if you cradle it, pamper it, it will help you be more powerful? Think again. The rage and anger, just like pride and arrogance, is what destroys Decarios. Even the ones spirits of the gods have chosen as their champions.”
“Spirits of the gods haven’t chosen me as their champion,” I say through clenched teeth. Every muscle in my body vibrates from the tension, sweat covering every inch of my skin. I can’t feel my ass from sitting on this damn rock for damn twelve hours every single fucking day! “And that rage is what keeps me goingevery day. It’s what gets me out of bed. And you want me to let go of it?”
Kazh folds her elegant hands over the head of her cane. “When you enter the first trial, you’ll be fighting something beyond dangerous. But worse of all—you’ll be fighting against yourself. You must master your mind and soul, because when you stand face-to-face with your own mirror, your rage is going to consume you. You know why the balance between body, mind, and soul is crucial? Because a Decarios has to be at peace with themselves if they want to stand against their demons, child. Once they can hold against the darkest part of themselves, they can stand against their enemies.”
I press my lips into a tight line and lift my chin. I’m so hungry and thirsty my head is dizzy. I don’t know what to do, how to explain to Kazh that the rage and anger has to stay. It’s part of my soul, part of who I am as a person and as a soldier.
Kazh taps her cane on the stone three times. “I see we won’t get anywhere with you tonight. We’re done for the day. Get some rest, you arrogant piece of shit. I want to see you here again precisely at dawn. You better be fucking ready to drop that stubborn attitude of yours and get to work so we can stop wasting the time you don’t have.”
I wait for her to leave before I start climbing off the damn stone. Slowly, I unfold my stiff legs and slide down. Each movement is hard, because my muscles are fatigued. The sand is pleasant under my bare feet. I stretch my back and reach my hands to the dark sky.
“Do you want to talk about it, Phoenix dear?” Jax is standing in the doorway, a tray in hand. The scent of warm food makes my stomach growl. “Maybe laying out your feelings will help you get rid of that rage that’s clouding your mind?”
The glare I shoot him is not kind. Yet he doesn’t flinch.
“You want to talk about my feelings?” My voice is full of acid. “If I wanted to talk about my feelings I would do it with anyone else rather than you.”
“I love it when you talk dirty to me,” Jax says. He places the tray on the small wrought iron table on the patio on the left. “But just for the record—I’m an excellent listener. We can go through it while you eat your dinner. I also brought you some warm cocoa. Magnesium in it will help you sleep better and alleviate some of the muscle aches and tension.”
I stalk over to him. Does he think I’ll fall for him if he’s kind to me?
“Thanks for the food,” I say and sit on one of the two wrought iron chairs.
To my surprise, though, Jax does appear to be honest. He looks at me with open eyes and a friendly face. As if he truly wants to help me by offering his support. Without asking for my permission, he plops on the second chair and stretches his long legs, wrapped in tight leather.
His shirt is unbuttoned—as always—almost all the way to his belly button. The tattoo on his chest draws my eye while I chew on the piece of grilled broccoli.
“See anything you like?”
My eyes snap up to his face. “Definitely not.”
He smirks, satisfied. “Oh, Phoenix, don’t be shy. I can be useful.”
Maybe it’s the hunger, or the exhaustion from the training. Or maybe I’m so pathetic that any show of kindness or care from a boy makes my brain rot. However, for a split second, I find Jax attractive.
I can’t believe myself.
I’m in love with Daegel. Despite the issues we’ve been having, he’s the man I want.
“You know what…I think you might be right,” I say, my voice low. “Maybe you could be useful after all.”
I can’t believe my boldness.
“Oh?” Jax cocks his head to the side. “And how is that? Do tell.”
His dark eyes sparkle. A chill runs down my spine at the way he looks at me.
“I don’t hear you, darling,” he purrs. “Are we just going to stare at each other all night long? That’s your plan?”
I click my tongue. “You’re the one who doesn’t shut up. Is it all only talk, and no action? How disappointing.”
