I can’t believe it.
He stood there in silence and then he just left?
What kind of answer is that? Is he going to go and get his lawyers and come back with a promise to sue me or is he going to go straight to the airport and fly back to New York, never to be heard from again?
I can’t think. Mom launches into a tirade about how it’s the perfect example of his commitment to anything, but I no longer have the energy to argue with her. It took every ounce of strength I had to tell Elijah the truth and he just… left.
The rest of the party passes in a daze. I light the candles on Nick’s cake and watch him blow them out with a gigantic grin on his face. His friends yell and cheer for him and he stuffs his face with chocolate ice cream and thanks me for the best birthday ever.
When he opens Elijah’s present, he’s overjoyed to find a neatly packed box containing new ice skates along with a note that he’d noticed Nick’s current ones had lost a lot of their internal stuffing for warmth. Nick is so excited and I don’t have the heart to tell him that Elijah didn’t even stay to say happy birthday. At this rate, I’ll need to make those skates vanish at some point this year so I’m not reminded of this night.
Eventually, the kids filter out of the party and return to their parents, goodie bags clutched in their tired hands, and the party winds down to nothing. Nick is surprisingly compliant during bathtime and falls asleep before he’s even finished saying good night.
I should be celebrating.
I should be happy that the party was a success and Nick is happy. But I can’t find any warmth inside me.
It’s nearly midnight by the time I find myself out on the patio as the world grows bitterly cold, but I barely feel it, standing near the railing and gazing out at a darkness the lights from the house can barely breach.
I still can’t believe he left.
No calls or texts. Nothing.
The sliding door behind me squeaks softly and Stacey joins me with a concerned smile. “Sweetie, it’s freezing.”
“I’m fine,” I reply, then flinch when her warm fingers touch the cold back of my arm.
“You’re freezing.”
“I dunno. It’s kind of nice.”
“You want to tell me what happened?”
I sigh deeply and watch the clouds escape my lips and drift up to the night sky. “Which part?”
“Well… I heard you and your mom yelling earlier so I turned the music up. You want to tell me what that was about?”
Sucking on my upper teeth with a curl of my tongue, I sigh. “I was kind of a bitch.”
“Was it deserved?”
“Yes and no. Mom is… I get she’s struggling, y’know? I understand she’s grieving. The pain is always there for me, but it’s in the background. But she just keeps undermining me. Like takeout for dinner when I’ve done meal prep for Nick. Or giving him cake for breakfast, or tearing apart the house knowing she can’t afford it. All the snide little comments she makes are the reason I moved out in the first place. I guess part of me hoped that losing my dad would soften her.”
Stacey hums her agreement as she stamps her feet against the cold. “Maybe there isn’t softness in the first place,” she says quietly. “Some people are born prickly.”
“Maybe. But then she was saying all these things about Elijah and I just… snapped.”
“What things?”
“That he ruined my life and stuff. That hurt because Nick? Nick is the best thing I’ve ever done.” Warmth surges behind my eyes and my vision blurs. “So her calling him a ruin was… it was hard. And I just exploded on her because I’d just stood there and told Elijah the truth and?—”
“Hold up.” Stacey suddenly places a hand back on my arm. “You told Elijah the truth about what?”
“That he’s Nick’s dad.”
“Why didn’t you lead with that?” Stacey shakes her head. “Hell. I think that’s more important right now. How did he take it?”
I shrug one shoulder and glance at her through my unshed tears. “He… didn’t. He just stared at me. At one point, I thought he was going to fall over. Then he just… left.”
