She was the opposite of me.
It seemed impossible to me that fate had chosen this completely ordinary girl to test me, the boy who had been initiated into sexuality far too early, the one who had been with so many available and experienced women.
She had all my desires etched upon her in the incredible form and curves of her body, all of it coming together to create something larger than life.
Everything.
I wanted everything from her.
I wanted her ocean eyes and her perfect little nose. I wanted her lips, whether bent in a cheeky smirk or the dizzying smile that set the very air I breathed aflame. She was too much of everything, and I wanted her.
I wanted her underneath me as I rocked between her open thighs, losing myself in her heat and…
Fuck.
I needed to knock this off and start acting like a man who wasn’t obsessed with her.
A normal man who wasn’t constantly having sweet thoughts about her followed by depraved ones. And then more sweet ones, and then even more depraved ones…
I was having a hard time managing all these deranged feelings. I was losing my shit.
I huffed noisily and decided I needed to distract myself with something.
I got out of the shower and dressed quickly, throwing on black jeans and a black sweatshirt before heading out to join my family on the beach.
Matt had this idea that we should have a bonfire by the water, which sounded like bullshit to me, but I didn’t say anything when he suggested it. We were there to celebrate his birthday, after all, and I didn’t want to ruin it with my shitty mood.
I was feeling pent-up and frustrated.
I’d taken a “break” from the blonds I spent most of my time with because my therapist had told me to; otherwise, my sexual dysfunction would get worse. I certainly didn’t want to get to the point of being unable to feel arousal or sexual urges. I’d quit picking up women for sex and taken a pass on more nasty scenes with Jennifer (or Jennifer and Alexia) and had instead focused on myself and what my body really needed.
A ceasefire.
A ceasefire on the self-inflicted violence I’d been putting my body through for years.
It wasn’t easy, though, maintaining this self-imposed abstinence. A man like me had frequent carnal urges combined with quite a strong sexual appetite. Controlling all that took a lot of willpower.
I sighed and ran my fingers through the tuft of hair on top of my head, arranging it over my forehead. It was a mess as always, but women seemed to like it that way for some reason. They told me the unruly look of it matched my spirit.
My feet sank into the soft sand as I set off under the starry sky, moving toward the only source of light illuminating the beach: the bonfire.
My siblings were already seated around the fire on a pair of logs that had been repurposed into benches. Mia and Matt were talking happily over a colorful packet that I couldn’t identify from a distance. None of that was what I was looking for, though. My eyes scanned the scene impatiently, searching for the object of my desires.
And there sat Selene, radiant and lovely, staring into the eager flames as they rose up toward the sky.
She shone like the moon lighting up a dark sky.
She was a fairy creature who rekindled my desire to imagine a better life. The kind of childlike fantasies and raw emotions that I hadn’t felt even when I was a boy.
Sometimes, it felt like she was giving me back the childhood I’d never had.
“Finally decided to grace us with your presence, huh?” my mother chided me sternly. I had disappeared all day after my argument with Selene in the morning.
“Hey, Neil, there you are. Found anything interesting around here?” Matt put in with a sly wink. He was likely talking about women, ignorant of the sexual issues I was having. He was well aware of my ability to find girls even if, as was the case more often than not, I wasn’t even looking for them. My looks went a long way in terms of getting what I wanted easily and I never had to work hard to find someone with whom I could share a moment of physical pleasure.
“Yeah, I made the rounds,” I lied, sitting down casually next to Babygirl. She sucked in a breath as I settled myself close to her on the log. Then she gulped, working hard to ignore me. I was positive that, were I to peel off that pink hoodie she was wearing, I’d see goosebumps all over her skin. The same ones that rose up on mine when I’d gotten so dangerously close to her in my room.
The next moment, however, I regretted sitting right there because I got a whiff of her coconut smell with every little breeze. I squirmed, resisting the urge to pounce on her like the vilest beast. Fortunately, I was experienced enough to have developed a certain degree of self-control when I wanted to resist a woman who was tempting or seducing me.
