We were having a cookout for lunch, and I decided to join the family, though I still wasn’t done ruminating on everything that had happened. As I stood there watching Logan help my dad with the grill, I tried to smile and look cheerful. The two of them squabbled constantly, and I watched them in amusement, trying to chase away my sadness.
“I could have done it on my own,” Logan grumbled as Matt continued to offer him advice in a know-it-all tone.
“That’s what he always says, but it’s never true,” Chloe murmured in my ear, making me snicker.
“Hey, I heard that,” Logan shot back, giving her a dirty look.
I had missed the youngest Miller. Even more than that, I had missed the understanding that had developed between us. I looked over at her onlyto see her looking back at me with a strange softness in her eyes. I couldn’t help but notice that her eyes were the exact same shade as the sky. They, along with her bright hair, made her look a great deal like her mother. Her facial features were elegant, just like Logan’s and Neil’s were. Beauty ran in the family.
Before we sat down to eat, Mia and I busied ourselves with setting the table and prepping various side dishes. Matt and Logan focused on grilling the sausages.
“Where’d Neil go?” Mia put a bottle of wine out on the table and glanced around, looking for her eldest son. It was my fault—my words that had driven him away. I was uncomfortable, afraid to look his mother in the eye. I was afraid she would see the guilt that was twisting my stomach in knots.
“Maybe he went down to the water?” Chloe suggested. Logan gave me a fleeting glance that only made me feel more ill at ease.
Did he also think this was all my fault?
“If you want, I can go look for him,” I offered abruptly, which drew my father’s attention.
“No, he’ll be back soon. He’s probably out exploring the local offerings,” Matt said lightly before sitting down next to me and rubbing my shoulder. “I found your present. That was a lovely thing to do; thank you so much.”
He pressed a kiss to my temple, and I smiled awkwardly, still unused to these weird displays of affection between us.
Then we went ahead without Neil. Logan tried calling him, but he didn’t answer, and, at that point, Mia said there was no reason to wait for him, and he’d probably be home later. Logan and I exchanged looks of pure concern.
After lunch, I occupied myself with the dishes and exchanged a few words with Mia. But my thoughts revolved around just one person: her son.
It was ridiculous to be so upset over a man who had absolutely no qualms about hurting me, but deep down, I felt like his behavior had some justification now.
I was lost in thought, basically polishing a glass for almost ten minutes, when Mia called my name and asked me if something was wrong. I was capable of wrangling my emotions, though, and said that I was fine except for a headache, which I’d invented to avoid arousing suspicions. I didn’t likelying to her, but I could hardly tell her all about what happened with Neil.
I couldn’t tell her, and I certainly couldn’t tell my dad.
After finishing the cleanup, I ducked into the bathroom for a quick shower. This time, I washed my hair and untangled the knots before drying it. I smoothed it with my fingers and smiled at how soft and silky it finally was. Then I stretched out on the bed in a desperate attempt to get some rest.
I spent the rest of the afternoon like that, immersed in total solitude. When it was time for dinner, Matt suggested the whole family spend the evening on the beach around a bonfire. The idea was appealing to me despite my grim mood. I really needed a distraction, even if it was impossible to completely banish my worries.
So I crawled out of bed and decided to put on something warm because of the cold temperatures. In addition to my dark-wash jeans, I chose a long-sleeved shirt and layered a pink hoodie on over that. I dabbed a couple drops of perfume on my neck and put on a little mascara, making my blue eyes pop.
On some level, I was probably trying to look cute for Neil, to get him to notice me. But I didn’t think too deeply about that because it wasn’t the time for those thoughts.
I still wasn’t convinced by Logan’s words, “He likes you.”
Maybe he’d been attracted to me at one time, as he had been with who knew how many other women, but I could never be part of his life.
I stopped on my way to the living room when the sounds of Coldplay drifting through a half-open door caught my attention. I frowned, getting closer until I could pick out the melody of “The Scientist,” one of my favorite songs. I rested one hand on the lacquered surface of the door and pushed it in, invading a space I shouldn’t even have stepped foot inside.
My heart jumped into my throat when I spotted Neil on the bed, focused on sketching in his notebook. I paused to admire the silhouette of his profile. A lit cigarette was clamped between his full lips, and his eyes intently tracked the movement of his hand as it scrawled lines on the paper.
He wore a basic black sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants. His sculpted body was tantalizing, making me long to tear off those clothes and rediscover all the feelings his expert hands could evoke.
He was so beautiful.
I blushed stupidly at the direction my thoughts had taken. I’d never fantasized about a man like that before I met him.
“You like Coldplay, too?” I asked, all in one breath, hoping to impress him.
Of course, that was a great way to get his attention.
