Too many.
But no other kiss had ever had such an effect on me.
I could still feel the heat of that moment, as though it had left an indelible mark on my skin. I tried to push those thoughts away, but the memories kept coming back, like my brain was entertaining itself by torturing me.
I relived the moment I saw her in my room that first morning after, scared and swathed in a sheet from my bed. Her auburn hair was tangled, and her lips were swollen and chapped. She woke me up by referencing Bukowski while panic spread through her body as she gazed at the proof of her lost virginity staining my bed. I had stripped her purity from her while I was off my face, but I’d still managed to make myself feel good, like the bastard that I was. Selene was something novel for me. She had always been odd but adorable at the same time, with her little faces and her shyness, which then gave way to her more stubborn and aggressive side. Still, a sly smile or a dominating kiss was enough to break through her armor.
Maybe that was the exact reason I’d taken such advantage of her good nature while never realizing just how worn down she’d become by my lack of respect for her. She was disillusioned by my constant bad behavior, consumed with managing my notably difficult personality.
I knew very well that Selene had left because I’d finally gone too far.
It had been at a Halloween party. Not only had I made a random blond suck me off right in front of Selene days before, but at the party, I’d also asked Jennifer to play one of our perverse games and dragged Selene into it as well. I knew how deeply they hated each other, which was exactly why I’d selected Jennifer to be the third party. I needed Babygirl to understand who I really was—a deviant who used women as he pleased. I needed her to keep her distance from me.
“Hey, I knew I’d find you out here. What’s on your mind?” My brother approached me, balancing on crutches. He lowered himself slowly onto the chaise next to me and sighed. It wasn’t easy for him, living with the fallout from his near-fatal accident. Though the bruises had mostly faded, every time I saw the bandages and scars on his face, I remembered how close we came to losing him, and my chest tightened miserably.
“Nothing, really,” I answered, not telling him that my “nothing” was actually Selene and that I couldn’t stop thinking about her.
“Mmm-hmm…” he murmured thoughtfully. I was pretty sure that Logan knew me well enough to know when I was trying to bullshit him.“Did you call her yet?” he continued, and I instinctively swung my head to stare at him.
What the hell kind of question was that?
I didn’t call women. I wasn’t interested in talking to them and I didn’t give a shit about their lives.
Sure, I had “stolen” Selene’s number from my brother’s contacts and yes, I had texted her while I watched her from her balcony, but I didn’t havefeelingsfor her. Just sexual attraction.
“Why would I call her? I don’t do shit like that.” I did other, much worse, shit.
“Alyssa and I both asked her to give us a heads-up when she got back to Detroit, but neither of us has heard anything. Not even a text,” Logan said softly, with a hint of unease in his voice that suddenly made me feel nervous as well.
But I wasn’t going to allow myself to spiral.
My brother was different from me. He was thoughtful and kind and got attached to people so easily.
“Relax. It probably just slipped her mind. She probably needed to talk with her mom, unpack her stuff, tell all her friends she’s back…” I continued smoking nonchalantly, imagining those exact things happening. “You know, all that bullshit,” I concluded tonelessly.
Logan cocked an eyebrow at me. He seemed skeptical and a bit surprised by my indifference. Annoyed, he sucked in a deep breath before turning toward the pool house as we both heard the door shut with a click.
“Here are the keys.” Xavier tossed them at me, and I caught them in one hand. Jennifer stood next to him, wrapped up in her jacket because of the cold and grinning at me. Her makeup was smudged, but her hair was perfect again. It was an appealing look.
“Oh, hey princess,” Xavier sneered at Logan, but I stared him down with the obvious intention of putting a stop to whatever shit he was about to say or do.
“See you tomorrow,” I cut in firmly. He gave me an arrogant shrug and headed for the gate, followed by a winking Jennifer.
“I can’t believe you…” Logan burst out. “When are you going to stop doing this shit?”
Maybe I would have stopped one day, or maybe I would have just continued on forever, because that was how I was built—badly.
“Did you come out here to lecture me?” I asked defensively. I didn’t need any reminders that I was in the wrong, that I was a twisted person with a deviant personality.
In the end, that wasn’t my fault.
If I’d a more normal childhood, I’d probably be a very different person.
“No, I came out here because ever since this morning—ever since Selene left—you’ve done nothing but avoid me. Fucking Jennifer isn’t going to help you get over her, you know,” he answered firmly. I turned to look at him, cigarette clamped between my teeth.“Get over her.”Fuck, that was a heavy phrase. What the hell was Logan thinking? That I was somehow entangled with that girl? That I was somehow…
“Do you think I’m in love with her?” I asked him derisively. I nearly laughed in his face—it was ridiculous even imagining such a thing. I was done with the little brat.
She was back in Detroit, back to her real life and far away from me. Far away from Player 2511 as well and all the other dangers that surrounded me. And that was exactly how I wanted it.
