That was why I told her I’d always protect her from the Krew, because I knew them: I knew what they were like, and I knew how depraved and dangerous they really were.
I tried to get around Xavier again, like a lion throwing himself against the bars of his cage in search of an escape route. But Xavier knew how agile I was, and he never let down his guard.
“Relax,” Luke said. “We just talked while you were fucking Jennifer in one of the rooms. But you were the one who decided to show her what you are. How did you think she was going to react? Selene isn’t like the women you usually see; she’s not used to the kind of stuff we do!”
I hated the way he talked about her, like he knew her better than I did. When, actually, I was the one who figured out the kind of girl she was long before he did.
It occurred to me in that moment that this reaction wasn’t warranted—Iwasout of line. But I couldn’t help but link this to the physical discomfort I’d been enduring for days and my inability to have a normal sexual relationship, as well as to both Logan’s and Selene’s accidents. I linked it to the blonds who came to my bed, one after another, and to the Boy who wouldnot give me peace. I linked it to all of my dysfunctions and how I forbade myself a cure for them.
It was all because I was trapped. I had been in a glass prison since childhood, and all my problems were constantly hammering it into my head that they were right there and always would be.
The root cause of all of it was my longing to be free of the suffering that consumed me a little more each day, turning me erratic and violent.
The only things I felt were concealed anger and pure adrenaline coursing through my body, ready to spill out over anyone. Anything to find some relief.
I tried to calm down.
The fact that they’d done nothing but talk allowed me to breathe and rein in my instincts. It was a mistake to show the Krew that I cared in some way for this girl. They already suspected that I liked her, and now I’d just confirmed it.
I had to get ahold of myself to be the indifferent, immovable guy again.
“I’m sorry,” I told Luke, taking a few steps back. I ran a hand through my hair, still damp from the shower, and shook my head. “I’m having a rough time. I’m tense,” I added, trying to sound convincing. Luke relaxed his shoulders, and Xavier dropped his guard.
We’d never actually fought before. Sure, we were all dicks to each other, but four years earlier, we had made a very specific agreement: We’d never turn on each other over a woman.
“Little too tense, I’d say,” Luke grumbled, giving me a suspicious look. I sighed and continued with my script.
“I’ve got too much on my mind right now. I don’t give a shit about that girl,” I said irritably, and it was partially true.
Jennifer perked up at my voice sounding so strong and decisive, and a hopeful look spread over her face. Honestly, I really was thinking about how wrongheaded it had been to fight with Luke about Selene anyway. He hadn’t ever touched her again, and she’d never shown any real interest in him, and so my reaction had been irrational, even ridiculous.
Was I jealous over some hypothetical, nonexistent “platonic” relationship between Luke and Selene?
Me?
A guttural laugh vibrated my chest, and I leaned on one of the stools at the kitchen island. It was the same one, in fact, where I’d allowed that nameless blond to suck me off not long ago, and…
I burst out laughing. A real laugh, like a lunatic.
The sound of it cut through the deafening silence that had fallen over the luxurious pool house.
Xavier and Luke exchanged looks while Jennifer continued to stare thoughtfully at me.
“There’s a screw loose here, folks.” I tapped my index finger against my left temple and glared at Luke with a wicked smile on my face just for him. For some reason, my mood seemed to change by the minute that night, and he was apparently my newest target.
Luke.
My hands itched to use him as a punching back to violently banish all those sick thoughts.
Why was I so pissed at him?
I didn’t know. I just knew that I couldn’t stop staring hatefully at him.
The Krew didn’t know about my childhood, what I’d been through, or the disorders I had. They just thought I was weird, sometimes inaccessible, sometimes unfathomable, but none of them even remotely doubted that I’d experienced something fucked up. I drummed my fingers on the island counter and took note of the steel pizza slicer nearby. They’d probably just used it to cut the pizza.
I grabbed it and examined it, lingering on the reflection of my golden eyes in the shiny steel.
“I think today is one of the bad ones,” I murmured to myself, running an index finger over the serrated edge of the tool before slowly rotating the wheel.
