And he always would be.
19
The more time passed, the more of her I consumed.
But what, in the end, would be left of her?
Neil
I kept staring at the photo of my mother and father.
Mom wore her wedding dress and wasn’t smiling.
It looked like she was watching me.
It looked like she was sad.
Dad had an arm wrapped around her waist, and he pressed a kiss to her cheek.
He looked happy.
And, fortunately, he wasn’t watching me. I would have been even more ashamed.
Kim said it was more exciting to touch each other in my parents’ room.
My heart was pounding hard inside my chest.
“Neil, where are you?” I heard Logan’s small voice calling from the other side of the closed door, and I wanted to answer him, but my babysitter wouldn’t let me.
“Shh…keep quiet.” Kim licked her lower lip and grinned at me. I nodded in surrender and let her continue torturing me. She loomed over me as she told me that she still had so much more to teach me.
I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to keep myself from crying.
I never cried while Kim was hurting me.
All I could feel was my stomach twisting with the urge to vomit.
I focused on the photo of Mom and Dad.
I felt consumed.
Dazed.
Filthy.
Stripped of a soul.
Stripped of dignity.
I’m sorry, Mom, that I wasn’t brave enough to tell you, I thought.
***
I smoked a cigarette in the dim light of Selene’s room, sitting awkwardly at her desk in a chair that was way too fucking small for someone my size. It was late at night, and another one of my nightmares had gotten me out of bed, nervy and sweating.
Kim woke me up once again.
She couldn’t handle not being the whore in my head for one single night.
