Alyssa, though, smiled, and Logan shot him a knowing glance.
“Um, we’re going to go get some coffee. Would you like to join us, Ms. Martin?” Logan gestured for my mother to follow them, and my eyes bounced between the two of them. My mother’s blue eyes focused in on Neil as he stood there on the threshold. Then, with a deep sigh, she smiled politely at Logan and followed him out.
I was confident she hadn’t guessed what happened. She could not have imagined the Selene she knew going so far, especially with Mia Lindhom’s son. That knowledge did give me a certain amount of relief, but it also made me feel even more like a horrible person. My mother had such a differentmemory of me: that shy, virgin girl who was only going to make love to Jared and only when she was really ready. Instead, I had in short order 1.) lost my virginity while blackout drunk, then 2.) repeated that folly multiple times before trying every way I could to use a physical relationship to learn something more about Neil.
Every time you want something from me, you have to tell me something about yourself.
That was the deal I’d proposed to Neil one day when he caught me watching him slack-jawed during one of his workouts. I still remembered the way my heart had throbbed in my stomach, just like it did right then with him standing there waiting for everyone to leave before he’d come talk to me.
I leaned back comfortably in the bed and quickly smoothed my hair. I knew I didn’t look good. I was covered in scratches and bruises, and I immediately realized I wasn’t going to fix the situation in the next few seconds.
Then Neil strode into the room, all confidence, and I took a moment to admire him. The figure he cut was nothing short of majestic and arresting, almost intimidating. My body tensed because, even though I hated him, Neil was still the most handsome man I had ever seen—would ever see—in my life.
And, right then, he was looking at me. Just me.
As my mother passed him in the doorway, I noticed the stark difference in their heights. Neil was so tall, and as he continued to stride purposefully toward my bed, I felt the way he loomed, overpowering the small space. His body was sleek, perfectly balanced, and even more massive than I remembered. Had he upped his training regimen? Or maybe enough time had passed since our last encounter, and I could see more clearly why a woman would do any crazy thing for him?
It occurred to me anew how everything about him gave off an aura of skill and power, from his potent bearing to his beguiling, masculine face. His dark brown hair was shorter on the sides and longer on top. His forelock, which he usually pushed back, was thick and disheveled. His lips were plush, his nose proportionate, and his eyes…
The closer they came to me, the more their colors bewitched me. Goldas ingots, yellow as two sunflowers. Or maybe twin stars. They were the color of the sand illuminated by the sun or perhaps like ears of wheat in the dawn’s light. They were impossible to pin down and completely unique. I thought that every time I saw them.
I really was pathetic.
After what he did to me, I should have gathered up my scraps of dignity and kicked him out of the room, but instead, I lacked the strength to do anything.
Without bothering to ask for permission, he sat down on the side of my bed, the metal creaking under his weight. His every move demonstrated a casual dominance that still had me in awe of him.
I cleared my throat, and my gaze was unavoidably drawn to the way his black shirt strained over his fit biceps and sculpted chest. His light-wash jeans stretched beautifully across the muscled definition of his legs.
I hated myself for the way his very presence intoxicated me, how he could make me forget the thousands of reasons I had to be angry at him.
“Hi,” he said, and his baritone sent the same shivers it always did through my body.
Why did he have a voice like that?
“You got your wish,” I answered instinctively, letting my pride do the talking.
I even surprised myself.
But wasn’t he the one at the Halloween party who had taken me into that room where Jennifer was waiting? Wasn’t it all to get me to take that taxi and leave? Wasn’t he the reason I had to go?
My hands were sweating, and my breathing had gotten fast for no reason that I could see.
Unexpectedly, Neil smiled, which only made him look more appealing. It wasn’t a happy or sincere smile, though, but a nervy, challenging one. As he did it, he stared at me so insistently that it made me redden, but I tried to get myself under control.
“What is it you think I’ve gotten?” he prompted me, an inquisitive look on his face.
For a moment, I felt incapable of speech, but I wasn’t sure whether toattribute that to the trauma of the accident or to the way those golden eyes were staring into me.
“Look at me,” I answered in a biting tone. Though my heart still beat for him, I was so disillusioned by everything that had happened, particularly his cruel attitude. My words made him flinch, and his expression shifted and grew darker. He didn’t like that I was giving as good as I got. He didn’t appreciate anyone trying to stop him from dominating a given situation.
A small frown line appeared in the middle of his forehead, and I realized he was pondering something. He sighed, and his eyes moved to my lips.
“Do you think I wanted this?” he murmured, gesturing to my body stretched out in the bed. Something resonated inside me and a little inner voice reminded me of our sinful interlude on the chaise lounge next to Matt’s indoor pool. I recalled the way Neil had let go completely, albeit silently, climaxing inside me. He had trembled between my knees as he gave me a piece of himself that he’d never given to anyone else. I had to believe that he cared about me, even if only a little because, otherwise, I could not have explained that profoundly intimate gesture.
“No, but you did want me to hate you. You wanted to show me how twisted you were. You wanted Jennifer and me both to use you in that room and then…” I paused but did not break our stare. “Then, you wanted me to run away, to leave you in peace because you’d never give me anything more than sex,” I finished unhesitatingly.
Neil regarded me seriously and ran a hand through his hair, a sure sign that he was unsettled. The motion allowed me to get a whiff of his good, clean scent, which settled all around me. I breathed it in, instinctively closing my eyes.
