Selene could make me lose my patience like no one else. Not that it was particularly difficult to do, but she was an expert in the field.
Hot and uncomfortable, I pulled off my sweater and prepared to take a shower. I’d lost count of how many I’d taken that day, but in my head it had been way too long since the last one. I threw the sweater onto the kitchen island and then walked shirtless through the living room with just my dark jeans on.
Cigarette clamped between my teeth, I stole a glance at Selene and found her staring at my chest. Her big blue eyes trailed from my pecs to my abs. I heaved a sigh. I knew she liked what she saw, and I couldn’t do anything but accept that, but I took no delight in knowing she thought me handsome.
I considered my body a punishment and a tool: Sometimes I used it to seduce, while other times I just wore it like a suit of armor to protect me from the world.
There were two of us, after all, living inside that perfect shell. The Boy and I. And we were both so afraid.
“Come over here and stop acting like I’m your enemy. I would never hurt you.”
I looked at her, perched there on the couch and only saw a danger to myself. Selene didn’t know what was in my head, how petrified I was of trusting women after Kim had betrayed me so deeply.
I ground the cigarette butt into the ashtray and waved away the last cloud of smoke, remaining aloof. Babygirl didn’t stop watching me like she couldn’t understand why I was acting that way. Maybe she was wondering how I’d recovered my self-control after her rejection, why I wasn’t imposing myself on her the way I usually did, or why I wasn’t trying to talk her into it.
The answer was simple: I couldn’t.
I passed a hand over my face, fighting my body’s instinct to do anything except what my brain had been urging it to do for hours. My hard-on was still there, and Selene had clocked it; it wasn’t difficult to make out. She knew that I wanted her as much as she wanted me.
But I couldn’t tell her about my problem.
“You need to leave. For real this time, you need to listen to me,” I told her, more calmly but still severe.
If she hadn’t, I would have gone over there, picked her up, and tossed her out.
One hand slipped into my undone jeans, and I adjusted myself again. The head of my dick was now protruding from the elastic of my boxers, but I didn’t care. I just left it that way. Selene’s gaze dropped again to that exact spot, and she swallowed hard in embarrassment.
Enough of this.
The truth was, I couldn’t resist her, but I still didn’t want to open myself up to her. Selene demanded emotional connection while I insisted on the purely physical kind.
All at once I was furious with myself, with the tumult inside me that I couldn’t manage, the control I was about to lose, and the effect Babygirl was having on me.
Moments later, I advanced on her, drawn to her now more than ever.
“You don’t want to leave?” I said, melting down once again. “Fine, then. Lie down. I’ll show you why you should have gone when you had the chance,” I burst out, enraged.
Selene slid back on the couch, but she couldn’t escape.
I decided by that point that I was going to show her all about the sick way I wanted her so she would once again see me for the depraved person that I was and forget any possibility of being with me.
As soon as I reached her, I grabbed her hard by the wrists and forced her down. Selene didn’t fight me, but her widened eyes were full of unspoken feelings: disappointment, hope, desire, and fear. I straddled her, bending over.
I immediately began kissing her neck in that greedy, carnal, dominating, fiery way that she could never resist, and Babygirl arched her back, pushing her still bra-covered tits against my chest.
Fuck, it felt fantastic having her underneath me.
Our bodies began trading heat, want, lust, everything.
I grazed my lips along the velvet softness of her neck and watched asgoosebumps spread across her skin. When she tried to move her wrists, I didn’t let her.
“What are your intentions here?” she asked, afraid but also aroused.
“The worst kind,” I answered without shame.
Perversion, after all, was an important aspect of what I considered true romance to be.
Without hypocrisy.
