“I’m the only one you want, Tinkerbell, and that’s no good. Why don’t you go find a man who can make you happy?” I let my head fall back on the couch and splayed my legs, adopting a comfortable position. If she had actually found him, I would have accepted it.
Or maybe I would have just killed him.
No—I would have accepted it.
Selene shook her head, a cheeky little smile passing over her face. A little dimple always appeared on the right side of her mouth whenever she smiled. It was really tiny, but I spotted it. Just as I had also noticed the two other moles she had in addition to the one next to her right nipple. She had one shaped like an upside-down heart on her knee and an identical one at the base of her spine.
It occurred to me that I’d like to take another look at them, just to make sure I wasn’t mistaken. Her body lived only in my memory now. It had been so long since I’d touched her.
And dammit if I didn’t want to do it again.
I sighed, undoing my jeans with one hand. I couldn’t tolerate my hard-on anymore. It had been like that for hours, compressed by my pants. Sometimes I even felt breathless from the stabs of arousal. It got so bad that I couldn’t even sit up straight.
Selene tracked my movement and swallowed hard, embarrassed. I knew that I was making her uncomfortable, but I was used to being shameless, especially with women.
I did what I wanted, said what I thought, and had no scruples.
“Would you tell me what happened with Jennifer?” I asked. I didn’t really care, but I needed some distraction, or else I was going to succumb to my animal urges. I would have fucked her over that kitchen island and then failed to come, making her feel like she wasn’t enough for me. Selene was still too inexperienced and insecure, especially when it came to sex, so getting down with me in my current condition would only make her more neurotic. She would have felt used and dirty, and I didn’t want that. I wanted her to enjoy whatever we did, not feel even worse about herself.
“You’re still thinking about her…even now,” she answered in irritation. As usual, Tinkerbell was letting her insecurities get the best of her. She didn’t understand that thinking about someone meant something different to me than it did to her.
“I want to know what she did,” I admitted, adjusting my erection under my boxers. I wished I could just strip them off and be comfortably nude.
Could I do that? Or would she think I was a sicko even if I never touched her?
“She made a scene because you ignored her calls. She thinks I’m distracting you somehow,” she explained, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. I looked her up and down again, lingering on her legs.
Just how high were those heels?
They looked heavenly on her. If I could have, I would have fucked her just like that, completely naked except for those elegant stilettos.
“I’ll have to talk to her,” I observed. Again. Just because we’d been screwing for four years did not mean that I was serious about Jennifer or that I wanted to be in a relationship with her. I’d have thought she would have taken the hint when I didn’t return her thirty-five calls. She did not. Even though I’d told her repeatedly that I wasn’t her man and that there was nothing between us, Jennifer only accepted the things she already believed.
Maybe if I’d ever had the balls to tell them about my past, they’d understand what I really was.
“You’ll have to remind her that the only thing she really enjoys is your co—” Selene paused, pressing her hand to her mouth. I grinned and stared intensely at her, trying to make her blush.
“I’m a bad influence on you, Babygirl,” I said. Selene turned and slippedoff her coat, putting it down on a stool in the kitchen area. Finally, I could appreciate the swell of her hips and that high ass under her swishy skirt.
What would she look like without it? What kind of underwear was she wearing?
She’d said she was wearing a thong, but she’d probably been lying. I wouldn’t have been surprised to see her hiding a pair of those awful cotton panties. Almost as bad as her pajamas.
“You alreadyinfluencedme more than a month ago,” she said, standing there at a distance from me. “And now you’re talking to me, finally,” she added, sounding pleased. That was another issue. I had started talking to her way too much. I never told her anything about my past, but I was more talkative in general. Sometimes it was just to flirt or tease her, other times to explain things she couldn’t just intuit.
“It won’t work between us,” I said casually, trying to clarify again for her one of those things that she refused to accept. But I didn’t like the melancholy I saw in her azure eyes. All I wanted to do was protect her from me and get it through her head that there could be no relationship—that I could never give her what she wanted.
I didn’t want to drag her down into the abyss with me. I wanted the best for her, and I was not the best. We both knew that.
“Why?” she insisted, and I felt my nerves beginning to fray.
“Why, why, why… It’s always fuckingwhywith you, Selene!” I burst out, even standing up to emphasize my point.
“Why don’t you just take off your clothes? Why don’t you just put your hands on me and use me? Why?” I raised my voice as I walked toward her. “Why don’t you push me down on that couch and fuck me like the rest of them? Like they’ve always done? Why? It would be a lot easier, you know. I could accept having you with me, but only my way, never in the way you want.” I’d gotten too close, and she’d backed up until she hit the wall. When I saw her tremble, I cursed my inability to be rational like a normal man and stepped back. Who knew how hard her heart was beating or what she was thinking of me. I scrubbed a hand over my face because I’d never been in a situation so difficult before.
Women had never been a problem for me. I could take what I wanted—amomentary high—from them and then move on, almost indifferent to even the most obscene acts. Yet even when I’d had multiple bodies to enjoy at once, I’d never felt what I felt with Babygirl. To be honest, the sex we’d shared hadn’t been anything special but I’d liked it because it was simple, genuine, natural, and, above all else, true.
Really goddamned true.
