Stryker shook his head dejectedly “I can’t drink, Theo”
“Didn't realise you were the pregnant one, Hotshot.”
“Funny. But seriously, I can’t. I have to go to Raven’s later and if I smell like alcohol I…I can’t have her throwing up as soon as I walk through the door.”
“Dude. She’ll understand. You’re going through some serious shit.”
“Theo” Stryker said firmly “I’m already shit at this. I don’t wanna screw up, okay? She’s going through it too. Being pregnant isnotfun.”
“Not even one?”
“I don’t want to make her sick.” He repeated firmly.
It made me smile despite the distinctly bad situation.
“Plus, as we’ve already established, she has a temper on her and she’s pissed at me.”
“Does she know? About your dad?”
“Not yet.” Stryker said tersely “I…I’ve been seeing her for a while, though. It’s not…” he trailed off.
“I can see that. If it had been just one night and this happened then fuck you’re unlucky.”Theo piped up.
“Well it wasn’t.” Stryker deadpanned “anyway, I’m…I don’t think I’m quitting the army because of this. I think she’ll want me to but I won’t. We’re sticking around the area anyway, and Johnathan knows about dad and understands that if I need to leave then I can and he feels bad anyway. I need the distraction, though.”
“I get that.” I mumbled. It was practically the same reasonIwas here.
“You’d seriously consider leavingusfor that little shit?” Jack said, screwing up his nose. Stryker frowned and I whacked him upside the head.
“Not a little shit. ‘S my kid.”
“Fuck, he’s become a dad already.” Theo remarked
“Damn right I have, it’s in Raven’s fucking stomach.”
“Yeah, but like…you sure you're sticking around? Because, like, she has family support and everything. You don’t have shit, Stryker. Try bringing up a kid without anyone to lean on. I’d get out while-“ Jack shut his mouth when he noticed the tears “what…what did I say?”
“Fuck, Stryker, come here.” I said softly, pulling him into what I hoped was a comforting embrace. Stryker let out a sob and I shot Jack a harsh look “you can’t say shit like that” he muttered, voice low enough that only Jack could hear him- Stryker certainly couldn’t over his own sobs, anyway-“he doesn’t need the fucking constant reminder that his dad’s dead and he’s allalone. And he’s not abandoning the kid, Jack, he’s not like that and you know it.”
“I didn’t mean to…I’m sorry.” Jack said, lowering his gaze.
“Don’t need to tellmethat.”
I sighed, rubbing his back and murmuring into his ear.
Stryker choked on a sob and stepped back, hands in his hair and pulling at the roots “I can’t do this.”
“Stryker-“
"S'just... too fucking real, Matt." He said, swallowing thickly. "We're having a kid, like an actual fucking human being and I...I don't wanna fuck things up with it." He dug the bottom of his palms into his eyes in an attempt to get rid of his tears. "Fuck. It-It’s going to need us, it’s going to depend on us, on me and Raven and just- look at us! We're not ready to have a kid! I'm not ready to be a dad. I don't know how to be a dad. I don't know."
“Stryker-“
“But I can’t leave it because it doesn’t deserve that, I grew up without a mum and it shouldn’t have to-fuck.”
“You’ll do great.” I murmured, and I meant it, “it’s gonna work out.”
CHAPTER 22
