“It’s too easy.”Explaining was necessary.“I can sit back and—Spence took care of everything.I let him do it.To make the choices.I followed where he led.Blindly.”
“Know what I thought when I first looked at you?”He came over to skim his hands onto her waist and around to her back.“I thought that babe takes no shit.You’re tough.”
“When Spence died, everything went quiet.The whole world was just silent.There’s no way to describe how blank isolation became.”
“You loved him.Grief is natural.”
“Yes, but it wasn’t that.It wasn’t overwhelming grief.It was fear.For the first time, I had to listen to my own thoughts.Order them.Make decisions.Spencer wasn’t overbearing, not day-to-day, but when it came to anything important…”
“You relied on each other for a long time.”
“After losing him, I had to trust myself in a way I’d never done.No matter what, I had to keep going.It didn’t matter that I wasn’t ready.It didn’t matter I was unprepared.We don’t look back, we look forward.That was the rule.”
“Must’ve been tough, emotionally and financially, you said there was no money.”
“Little by the end,” she said.“Spence was cut off as soon as our relationship was outed.Knowing we planned to disappear, he had put some aside for us and had assets we could liquidate.And he still had friends, in Europe mostly.We survived, we weren’t living in squalor, not even close.Our life was good.We were comfortable, doing better than a lot of people.But if you compare our life together to what he grew up with.”
He eased her closer.“What about you?”
“Oh, I didn’t grow up anything like him.”
“Doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard for you.You were young and completely out of your element.In an environment you’d never been in before.New people, new places,” he said.“Spencer had a plan and you let him lead.That’s understandable.”
“I had no money or connections and I trusted him.I had no experience.What did I know about being out in the world?”
“You’re a different person now,” Cam said.“And your decisions have to be yours.”
“It would be easier to let you do it.”Easier, but not smarter.“You have a better idea of the landscape.You know how all this works.”
Logical?Yes.A cop out?Yeah, it would be that too.
“I won’t make decisions for you, but I can be your confidant.I can’t promise exactly how this will play out.Anyone who claims a certain course of action is foolproof is lying.In this industry, you draft and bank, move with the currents as they hit.You’ve got to assume the other side always have an ace in the hole.”
“That’s just it, I don’t want the current.I don’t want to tell my story or apologize.What we did, right or wrong, is what happened.Nothing I say will change the past.”
“You said you don’t regret being with him.”He bent his knees to crouch a little closer.“No one wants you to apologize.This isn’t about groveling because you did something wrong.Sick as it is, you’re satisfying appetites.Put a period at the end of that chapter so you can move to the next without drooling masses hankering behind you.”
“You think this is a good idea?To do an interview?”
“I think Honey Appleton is an excellent place to start.She is one of the kindest, most honest people I know.She will never do anything to damage or hurt you.That is a promise I can make.”
“You know her well?”
“The overlap of our circles ebbs and flows, I’ve known her my whole life.She actually works for a living, which can’t be said about the rest of the Appletons.”
“Roxie’s a good person and you vouch for her.”Given he was right about Roxie, why shouldn’t she believe he’d be just as right about Honey?“I trust your judgment.”
“You can put the brakes on anytime.What Honey does takes time.Don’t get me wrong, she can work fast, but you may be keeping a low profile for a while.Unless we do something…”
When he didn’t continue, she grabbed fistfuls of his T-shirt at his waist.“Do something?Something like what?”
Was hope driving or did fear have the wheel again?
“Don’t worry about it.We’ll figure it out as we go.Meeting with Honey is a good way to get used to talking about the past.Find your boundaries.”
And this was the perfect time to share some of her misgivings.“Have you ever talked about Teagan?”
“With the press?No.It was never made public.It’s not something I talk about at all.”
