My heart feels like it’s beating out of sync—dragged in two directions at once. He is everything that destroyed my life. He is everything that saved it.
And I hate him.
And I want him.
And I fear him.
And I don’t know who I am anymore when he looks at me like that.
“We leave at dawn.” He turns away, the door shutting behind him…I’m still trying to remember how to breathe.
“I don’t thinkI’ve ever seen Arsen glare for so long,” Raze mutters with a dry laugh, leaning against the armored SUV. Axe stands nearby, cleaning a rifle. “He thinks you’re going to get her killed.”
“He can go fuck himself,” I say, lighting a cigarette and staring into the trees. The flame cuts the dark, then fades.
“You’re bringing the stray?” Axe says, eyes still on the gun. “That’s a liability.”
I take a long drag, let the smoke burn in my lungs.
“This whole fucking op is a liability.”
“I’m not arguing. I’m stating facts.” He racks the magazine with a mechanical click. “You compromised. That makes you weak.”
I step toward him.
“You want to see weak?”
Raze moves fast, sliding between us, hands up. “Easy, Priest.”
He glances at Axe and then back at me. “You still need to grab your gear, and let’s not start this mission on the wrong side ofThe Reaper.” He mutters, “Not that there’s a right side.”
I don’t move. The cigarette burns between my fingers.
“He’s right.”
Raze blinks. “About what?”
“She’s a liability.”
Raze exhales, jaw tightening. “She’s also the only thing keeping you from putting a bullet through your own fucking skull.” He claps a hand on my shoulder, and starts steering me back toward the bunker.
“You want to bring your stray? Fine. Bring her. But keep her in line. Keep your head in the game. No more of this…” He hesitates. “Emotional bullshit.”
Emotional bullshit.
I’m not emotional.
I was made for blood, for death, for gunfire, and pain. Not this. Not her. This isn’t me. And yet?—
I’m fucking drowning.
Drowning in the scent of her blood. In the feel of her breaking around me. In the memory of her looking at me like I’m the only goddamn thing left in a world that’s already burning.
I shove Raze’s hand off my shoulder.
“Fuck off. I’m not emotional. I’m focused.”
“Sure, Priest. Whatever you need to tell yourself. Just make sure yourfocusdoesn’t get us all killed.”
