“I don’t understand it…why I want it. Why I wantyou. It’s wrong. It feels…broken.”
His thumb finds my mouth again, tracing the curve of my bottom lip. “Sometimes it’s the only language some of us ever learned.”
He presses his forehead to mine. “Pain’s all I’ve ever known. It’s the only thing I know how to give. Sometimes it’s the only thing that feels real.”
I swallow hard. My voice cracks. “I don’t know why I want you when I hate you.”
He smirks against my skin.
“You do know. You just don’t like the answer.”
He kisses me again—harder this time. Then he pulls back, looking at me.
“What do you want right now, Arlo? Tell the monster what the broken little thing in your head needs.”
I close my eyes. I don’t want to admit the truth. But it spills out anyway.
“Just…hold me till I fall asleep?”
“I do that every night. You just don’t remember.”
My breath catches. I pull back enough to see his face, but he doesn’t meet my eyes. His hand keeps moving slowly up and down my spine.
Heholdsme? Every night?
It shouldn’t mean anything. Not coming from him. But it does. It means everything, and I hate myself for how much it matters.
“Why—”
“Go to sleep, little one.”
I bite my tongue, swallowing the questions. There are too many, and none of them have answers I want to hear. I press my face back into his chest, his heartbeat thudding steadily beneath my cheek.
Maybe he’s right.
Maybe I do like it.
Maybe surviving for so long—just surviving—left something inside me twisted. Maybe growing up with my body in fight-or-flight taught me to crave the feeling of losing control, of finally letting go. Of handing the monster the leash.
Because when I’m pinned beneath him, when the world narrows to pain and heat and breath, I don’t have to make decisions. I don’t have to pretend I’m fine. I just have tofeel.
And somehow that feels safer than hope ever did.
What does that make me?
I hate how badly I want him to keep holding me. I hate the part of me that never wants this to end.
I close my eyes and drift, the exhaustion finally taking over, his warmth sinking into my skin like a poison I’m no longer fighting.
And in this moment, I don’t know if I want to run…or stay until there’s nothing left of me.
The door slams behind me,echoing through the bunker as the lock clicks. Dalton’s already pacing, fury burning through every muscle.
“So this is your fucking plan, Priest? Keep us locked up until Sterling comes to kill us?”
I don’t answer. Just stand there, arms crossed, watching him unravel.
Raze leans back against the wall, smirking. “You finally admitting he wants you dead, Dalton? Thought that might be a tough one for a pussy like you to swallow.”
