“Seven.”
She slowly turned on the steps. His head rested back slightly with his hands shoved in his pockets standing in the center of the barren room. She searched his face for a clue as to what seven meant. His tone had been solemn and eyes lingered on her, dark and tense, almost a saddened pain.
“Four children, two adults, and one teenager. Four of them were female, three were male. All of them victims, all completely innocent, and underserving of their fate. Just like your mom. And the system failed them.”
She stood frozen unable to speak or even fathom what he was saying. He drew in a breath and released it without losing sight of her stare. “Eleven. Nine men and two women. A wife, a mother, five fathers, two uncles, one grandfather and one brother. Those were the victim’s families. Other than that, I can’t give you details. I made a promise and telling anyone, puts them in jeopardy. What I can tell you is that I don’t regret it, if given the chance, I’d do it again and I’ll continue to do it.”
“Just not for me?” she whispered.
He didn’t answer and took a step towards the couch. “I never saw most of them again. I was there, watched what they did, watched them walk away. I think about them though, every once in a while, I wonder how it changed them.” He glanced at her and widened his eyes. “’Cause it did. Everything we do, every opportunity we take or don’t take, every significant moment in our lives, it changes us, who we are. Your mom’s death…it changed you. These families may have done it as revenge or justice, either way, they took another life. It changed them.”
She felt the strength to move when he turned his back and sat on the couch. No longer under his stare, she drew in a breath and took small steps until she reached the edge of the couch.
“You don’t want it to change me?”
He glanced over. “I don’t want it to ruin you. If Taylor hadn’t said anything, you would go on living your life, and by my account, a happy one. You said yourself, you came to terms with the murder a long time ago. Killing her killer won’t bring her back, Kenzie.”
Tears welled in her eyes. “I know that.” He was right. If Taylor hadn’t said anything, if she hadn’t put it in her head, she would go on as she had.
“Then why?”
“Because he killed her, that man altered my life. He took the most important person from me and got away with it. Four years is nothing and you know it.”
“But is it worth it, is it worth altering your life again? Is it closure, or is it some kind of guilt because you know the option is there now? Do you think if you were to go through with it you are somehow proving the extent of your love for your mom? I know what Taylor said, but she doesn’t know everything. She’s not thinking down the road. You are going to have to live with that, knowing that you played God. You took another person’s life. Can you live with that?”
“He killed my mom.”
He nodded. “Yes, and now you want to avenge her, I get that, trust me, Kenzie, I get it. And he deserves it, I’m not disputing it. I don’t give a fuck what happens to James Harris. But you?” He pointed at her. “I care what happens to you.”
Tears streamed down her face. “I loved her.”
“And whether you do this or not, that is something that doesn’t change.”
“Wouldn’t you do it?”
His eyes softened. “What I would do or what Taylor would do doesn’t matter. We aren’t the ones that have to live with ourselves when it’s all done. Until you are in that position, I can’t answer it honestly, and neither could Taylor.”
“But you are a part of it, Bogs.”
“I’m an outsider looking in, pretty girl.”
“Have you ever had someone regret doing it?”
He tightened his lips and she knew the answer before he spoke. “No.” He moved his hand to the seat next to him. “Come here.”
She walked slowly sliding down into the seat next to Bogs. She watched his hand clasp hers. “I love you.” She glanced up to see his stare penetrating hers. He cupped her jaw with his free hand. “If you want this, I’ll check it out, see what we can do. Gonna make myself clear, pretty girl, I don’t want you doing this. But I also don’t want you to resent me for standing in your way. If this is the closure you need, I’m not going to keep you from it. This has to be your choice.”
“What happens to us if I decide to go through with it?”
His hand tightened on her jaw. “I’m with you. Whatever happens, I got ya. And everything that comes along with it. Nothing changes how I feel about you.”
She scanned his face--there was hope. She was about to shatter it. She nodded. “I want to do it.”
He pulled her into his chest and fell back against the couch. She didn’t know how long they lay in silence but the images passing through her head had her head racing. Maybe she spoke too soon, maybe he was right about feeling guilted into doing it.
Sometime a bit later, Bogs suggested they go to his place. They packed up their stuff and drove over to his condo mostly in silence. She was waiting for him to talk her out of it or to back out on his own. He did neither. Once they were settled in bed, Bogs pulled her back into his chest and they fell asleep.
****
