“No.” His voice rose in pitch. “I have flaws, but I don’t climb without a partner. I started at Devil’s Hollow but then decided to go to Eagle’s Trail. That place is better for hiking.”
And where husbands take their mistresses.
“Anyway, I dropped my phone halfway up a steep trail. I hiked down a ways to see if I could retrieve it, but I couldn’t. By the time I got back to my SUV, it was five thirty. I was speeding back to Pine Valley when my tire blew. I went off the road and into a ditch. With no phone, I was screwed.”
I believed him. But it still stung that he hadn’t shown.
He raked a hand through his hair. “Please forgive me. If I had your number memorized, I would’ve asked the nice couple who’d called the tow truck for me to use their phone.”
“I texted you today to see how your centrifuge test went. Did you get that message?”
“No. It must’ve come in after I dropped my phone.” He came over and sat on the edge of the couch and faced me. “I failed the test. Blacked out. I was a mess after that, and I needed to get my head straight before I saw you. I have to fly again, Monroe.”
There it was. The military came first for him, as did hurt and anger for me.
“Do you have any idea what it’s like waiting for someone in uniform, wondering if they’re alive, if they’ll show?” I tangled my hands together. “I can’t do this again.” Needing some distance from him, I rose and paced on the other side of the coffee table. “I’m relieved that you’re okay. But you need to go.”
He flinched as though I’d slapped him in the face. “That’s it? You’re giving up. Shit happens, Sunshine, and sometimes it’s out of our control.”
I hugged myself, still wearing a hole in the carpet. “I don’t want to risk my heart again.”
He circled the coffee table toward me then backed up. “So you don’t feel a thing for me?”
“It doesn’t matter how I feel, Jace.” I poked a finger in my chest. “I’m choosing me this time. I’m choosing to make sure no one will hurt me again.”
He took one step then two. “Then you’ll never find love, will you?”
“And you have?” My voice shook.
“My answer doesn’t matter.” He sounded like someone who was done hiding behind his ghosts. “You’ve already made up your mind.”
Inches separated us, and I wanted to throw myself at him.
I clenched my teeth. “I have to protect myself, Jace.”
Before I could blink away tears, his cold hands were on my arms. “Protect yourself from what? From feeling something real?” He was the calm in my storm as we locked eyes. “I know you’ve been hurt by a man who wore a uniform. But I’m not him, Monroe.” He tucked hair around my ear. “I’m not leaving. I can’t walk away from you.”
I swallowed down so many emotions that I couldn’t decipher which one was stronger—the fear, the anger, or the love. All of it was churning inside me like an out-of-control car with no brakes. How could I feel this strongly for a man I’d just met?
“You say that now. Until orders come in.”
He barely flinched, as if I was right. “The military is my job, and I’m not going to apologize for that. I love what I do. I love being in the cockpit.”
“I would never ask you to give up flying,” I whispered.
Silence hung over us as he opened then closed his mouth like he was struggling with words.
“What is it?” I asked. “Say your truths. Isn’t that what you told me in this house one week ago?”
He set his jaw. “I’m afraid to tell you what I’m really feeling. Afraid I’ll lose you.”
“I might be scared, but if you were going to lose me, it would’ve been long before now.”
His features softened as he cupped my cheeks. “We fit, Monroe. You make me feel like I have another purpose. When I’m with you, I feel like I’m truly in the cockpit, flying across the sky. I want that feeling to last forever.”
I trembled. “I hear abutcoming.”
“No buts. I love your strength. You’re funny. You’re beautiful, and I want a life with you.”
