“It’s okay to be scared, you know.”
“Is it? Because it sucks. And look, I opened myself to her and she shut me out. Love is nothing but hurt.”
Elena rested her hand on my arm. “I’m sorry for what happened to Holly, but not all love ends in hurt. We don’t getchances to find someone special all that often. I know Reagan is special. Don’t give up on her just yet. She’s been hurt, too.”
The mention of Holly’s name ached in my chest. I loved her a lot and losing her in high school, in a car accident I caused, was a painful memory. But Elena was right. I couldn’t let it control my future forever.
Yet I opened up to Reagan, and then she closed me out. I couldn’t do this again. Not this rollercoaster of a ride. My heart couldn’t handle another fall.
“Okay.” I said, leaving it at that. “Have a good night, sis.” I kissed her goodbye and took Otis home.
Not once did Reagan leave my thoughts, just like she hadn’t all day. It was hopeless, damn hopeless, her constant in my mind.
Because as much as I didn’t want to admit it, she had my heart.
Too bad it was closed once more.
CHAPTER SIX
Reagan
“I don’t know why,Elena, but it freaked me out. As if I were cheating on Randy, which is crazy. What the hell is wrong with me?” I lamented over my cup of coffee, tears threatening to spill over from the corners of my eyes.
“Nothing is wrong with you. You went through a huge loss. Just like Wilde did. It’s okay to be scared.”
I paused. “Like Wilde did? What do you mean?”
“I take he hasn’t told you yet, then. I don’t know if it’s my place to tell you. It’s nothing bad, it happened years ago, but he lost someone, too. I thought maybe you two could I don’t know, maybe heal together?”
My heart pounded in my chest. He lost someone? “Was it his wife?”
“No. His high school girlfriend. A car accident. He was driving.”
My hand clutched at my chest as a stab of pain ran through me. “Oh my God, that’s awful.”
“I know. He still blames himself when the accident was in no way his fault. A drunk driver hit them from behind. She wasn’t wearing her seatbelt and was thrown from the car, causing her death.”
“Poor Wilde, that must’ve been a nightmare. And his poor girlfriend. I can’t even imagine.”
“I know. I was five when it happened, so I don’t remember much besides what I’ve been told.”
“I keep forgetting he’s so much older than we are. Not that it changes anything.”
“It shouldn’t. Age is merely a number. But like I said, it’s okay to be scared. Life is scary. But if we don’t take risks, we’ll never get the rewards we deserve. And we deservea lot.” Elena laughed while looking around the break room at work. She was right. Teaching kindergartens often required the patience of a saint. But I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Elena reached into her bag and pulled out a scrap of paper and a pen. She scribbled an address down and slid it over to me. “Go pay him a visit.”
I shook my head. “But Elena, I was such a bitch to him. I lied and kicked him out…all because I’m a chicken shit.”
“So, we all fuck up. We’re all chicken shits from time to time Apologize and move on. He understands being scared, believe me.”
I could barely focusthe rest of the day, and I’d never been more thankful for it to end.
At home, I showered and changed, styled my hair, and did my makeup, hoping to make a good impression. Not that I needed to, but it made me feel better to put some makeup onand look good for Wilde. It couldn’t hurt to butter him up some, right?
After racing my brain for days, I still didn’t understand why I acted the way I did the other morning. I freaked out, thinking he was Randy or I was cheating on Randy, and I didn’t know how to handle the weird feelings. But all of these feelings, they’re normal. A part of the grieving process. And a big part was opening my heart again, learning to love and trust, and let someone in once more. I think I was allowed at least one or two freak outs in the process.
On my way over to Wilde’s, I stopped and picked up a take-out order from the diner in town. Who could resist cheeseburgers, fries, and chocolate shakes?
