He grabs my wrists and pulls my hands away from my face, his features faltering as he gazes at the tears flooding my cheeks. “Aoi, I’m not scared of pain. If you’re so sure you’ll hurt me because of your mental health issues, believe me when I say, I’ll take that over not having you in my life.”
“I’ll push you away constantly and spend weeks avoiding you,” I admit. “I don’t know how to be with someone. But when you touch me, when you show me that you love me I- I don’t want to rip my skin off. And I’m scared of what that means.”
“I’m pretty sure that means you like me, too,” he murmurs, smiling softly and wipes my tears away. “I’m patient and stubborn.Whatever it takes, I’ll be there. If your thoughts get too hard to stomach, I’ll be there to dissipate them. Lay it all on me, my love. I can take it.”
I want to be with him, to let him love me until my aching flesh blooms and the pain fades away. His touch and words ignite a fire in my heart that I’m sure will burn me down to ashes.
But maybe it won’t.
If there’s a chance I can overcome my fucked up brain’s tendency to seek misery, I want to trust that he’ll catch me if I stumble.
“Can you love me through the worst?” I ask, sniffling and gripping his hand like my life depends on it. “If I hurt you and push you away out of self-doubt, will you fight for me? Do you promise to never leave me even if I run from you? You have to accept every part of me, even the repulsive ones. No picking and choosing which piece of me you want.”
Andrew smiles at me with so much liquid warmth that I feel like I’m being flooded in an endless ocean. The sea submerges me as the water sinks into my lungs and clogs them like cotton.
But this time it doesn’t hurt.
He turns the pain into comfort.
Fear into hope.
“If the world falls apart, I’ll catch you and hold you till the end of times, my Paradise.” He places a tender kiss on my nose. “No matter what, I’ll always love you. I’ll chase you until the edge of the world and beyond, even if you fight me and flee. I will never let you go. I swear it.” His thumb traces the curve of my lips. “Every part of you is beautiful.”
I can’t guarantee that we’ll be fine. Not when I still crave the stinging of my flesh being torn apart but maybe I can learn to take a leap of faith.
“Don’t ever break that promise.”
“Never.”
39
Visha
“You’re mine now and I’m yours, Aoi. Don’t forget that.”
He chuckles and kisses me tenderly as I embrace him. “Does that make us exclusive?”
“Fuck yeah, it does.” I kiss him back, nibbling and sucking on his lip when he groans into my mouth and grinds against my crotch. “Let’s take this upstairs.”
He blinks through the haze of lust and smirks. “Too prude to fuck me in your car?”
My cock responds to his crude words with a standing ovation, and I push the door open. “I want to fuck you against every surface but tonight I want to take you in my bed.Myman inmybed. Fuck, I’m hard just thinking about it.”
“Your man…” He grins and gets off my lap, stepping out of the vehicle. “Well, your man is rather impatient. You better get moving before I decide to drop to my knees right here in the parking lot and take matters into my own hands.”
Fuck,he’s so lewd.
Stepping out of the car, I lock it and pick him up. Aoi yelps and curls his legs around my waist, heels digging into my back while I carry him to the elevator. “You’re gonna make me cum in my pants like some prepubescent teen.”
“What are you? A virgin?” He laughs but as I don’t respond, he tilts his head in surprise. “Wait, really?”
“No, you made sure of that,” I say, kissing him and distracting him from the confession I just made like the biggest idiot ever.
Unfortunately, he pulls away slightly breathless and points an accusatory finger at me. “I knew it was you! You sly fucker. Why didn’t you say anything?”
The elevator rings and I step into the penthouse, groping his ass as he pulls my ear. “You seemed not to remember, so I thought maybe I should just forget about it, too. Why didyoukeep quiet? If you knew, you could’ve said something.”
He scoffs and lets go of my ear as I carry him toward my bedroom, ignoring my cat’s meowing. “I wasn’t sure if it was you because contrary to you, I couldn’t remember who I fucked.”
