“You don’t think I’m a shameless cheater?” he asks softly, trying to glare at me but with no real fire in his eyes. “You’re not mad?”
I shake my head and grab his hand, pulling him against me. “I could never be mad at you. I don’t see why I should believe you’re a cheater if your relationship with that woman wasn’t real.”
He chuckles and peeks up at me. “Are you disappointed that I hid the truth?”
“Disappointed?” I repeat, stunned. “You don’t owe me anything, Aoi. I just want you to be happy. If this deal with Rachel made you happy, then I don’t mind. If breaking things off with her is what you wanted, then I support it. Whatever you decide, I’ll support your decision. Disappointment is out of the question.” I wrap my arms around his waist and kiss his cheek. “I’m glad you’re officially single now.”
He laughs and leans his head against my chest, the tension in his muscles easing as he melts into my embrace. “You’re pampering me.”
“If you think this is pampering, you’re not ready for what I have in stock.”
He leans his head back to watch the sky, placing faith in me not to release him. “I…I don’t want a relationship, Andrew.”
I remain silent, observing him while he blinks at the darkness, seemingly counting stars, until I muster up the courage to break the trance. “I’m willing to wait as long as needed.”
“You don’t mean that,” he scoffs, straightening up and distancing himself from me, his palm slowly pushing against my chest.
“I do.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Aoi, I swear I-”
He pulls his sleeve up and raises his arm, revealing a fine white line scarring his pale skin. “Do you still want to wait for someone who couldn’t wait toendit all? I have issues you can’t handle, and I don’t want you to be in the position where you need to worry about me.”
I stagger back, glancing in horror and confusion between the scar and his face. “You…cut yourself?”
“I did more than that but you’re not ready for what that means.”
He’s right, I’m not. But I want to be the pillar he relies on to keep him steady. I want to be strong enough to shield him from the cruelty of this world, to protect him from his own violence.
I don’t understand what happened, when it happened, and why, but I’m here now. He doesn’t have to shoulder it all alone anymore.
I’m here.
Now and forever.
Covering his scar, he begins walking away, fleeing from the revelation he made, from the consequences of him unveiling such a vulnerable part of him.
I catch his wrist and pull him back against my chest, securing my grip on him. “What happened?” I ask, noticing a shake in my voice.
“That’s none of your business.”
I contain the stinging in my eyes while I hug his back, taking in that he’s here with me right now. He’s alivenowby some sort of miracle and that’s all that matters.
“I’m sorry you had to suffer in secret,” I murmur against his ear, and he shudders, digging his nails in my bicep. “You won’t have to anymore. I promise.”
Slowly and carefully, he turns around in my embrace, peering up at me with a kaleidoscope of fear and pain. He glides his hands around my waist and tenderly reciprocates my gesture, sinking into my touch like honey in boiling water.
“I’m pretty drunk right now,” he jokes, attempting a laugh that falls flat. “I hope I won’t remember how I made a fool of myself.”
Caressing his hair, I cup his cheek and kiss his forehead. “There is nothing shameful about you. What happened, happened. It’s not your fault, my Paradise. Pain is a powerful emotion and by no means does succumbing to its thorns mean you’re weak or shameful.”
“How can you say that?” he asks, his voice fragile and shattering like leaves in autumn. “I left an indelible trace of my mistake on my own skin.”
“There is no shame in bearing the burns of the rope you held on to, in order to survive.”
His eyes glisten with tears, an ocean of blues welcoming me in the depth of his soul.
