“Thank goodness the plant didn’t last long!” He raises his index finger as if to offer a teaching. “Those are really toxic for cats. You mentioned having one earlier, right?”
“Yes, her name’s Ao.” The way he slightly slurs his words makes my heart twist into knots and I smile. “It means blue in Japanese.”
“I love when names have a meaning, but that’s just me.” He pushes a strand of hair behind his ear. “I don’t know how to explain it, but I guess I like to find importance in little things.”
I could lose myself in his voice and the way he phrases each thought. “An amazing man once told me that the meaning of one’s name offers a significant trait to someone.”
“That man sure seems wise.” He absent-mindedly twirls the red liquid in his glass before intently gazing back at me. “Why did you ask me out, Andrew?”
I choke on my spit and cough it out trying to find an appropriate answer. He stares at me attentively as though awaiting a specific one.
Does he remember the night we spent together? Probably not. He hasn’t hinted at it even once.
I play with the silver ring on my thumb. “I like you. I know it may not make sense, considering we haven’t known each other for long, but I mean it. I’ve liked you for a while now, and I hope you’ll give me the chance to prove it to you.”
He tilts his head and smirks, but it’s chilling. “You mean you want to fuck me.”
My heart clenches in my chest at his dismissal. Why doesn’t he believe me? I don’t get it. Things are different now. I’m a grown man now, and he’s not responsible for me anymore.
“What’s so funny?” I ask, not hiding my offense.
“I didn’t mean to upset you, but there’s no way you like me,” he says, more serious than ever. He stops playing with the glass and crosses his fingers as though this dinner turned into a business meeting. “I said it before, and I’ll say it again. Youdon’t know me.You can’t like someone you don’t know anything about.”
“Then let me get to know you better,” I plead, sounding more desperate than I wish I did. “Isn’t that why you agreed to have dinner with me? So that I could show you that my feelings for you are genuine and that I’m not just playing pretend?”
I want to be the man standing by his side. The one on the other end of his endearing smiles and tender words. I want to be hiseverything and shower him in my love. Is that so bad? Is that merely wishful thinking?
I want to give him the stars in the sky if that’s what he wishes for. But I need him to want me back. Living in a world where Aoi doesn’t love me, isn’t a world I want to be a part of.
He chuckles dryly. “Maybe I only wanted to fuck you. Maybe I’m using you for your status. How could you possibly tell whether I’m lying? You knownothingabout me. And you don’t actually want that, trust me. I’m not a good person, Andrew.”
“Why do you say shit like that?” I let my anger get the best of me and raise my voice. “You’re amazing, and I don’t care if you want to use me for whatever I have. Take it for all I care. I’ll give you everything. So, stop pushing me away and ignoring the possibility of something deeper than shallow bonds just because you’re blinded by self-deprecating thoughts.”
“Self-deprecating thoughts?” he scoffs, pointing an accusatory finger at me. “You poor naïve boy. There are things in this world you don’t understand. You can’t possibly think that I’m undervaluing myself. I’m stating the truth. If you were to find out how unsightly I am inside, you’d run with your tail tucked between your legs.”
“I’m ready to take that risk. I want you.Fuck. This isn’t even a want anymore, it’s aneed. Please, Aoi.”
“How old are you?” he asks, and I frown not understanding where he’s getting at. “I’mthirty-three,Andrew. I’m a whole decade older than you. Can’t you see how weird that is? I don’t know what kind of daddy issues you have, but you don’t want this, okay?”
“Stop telling me what I want and don’t want!” I run my hands over my face in exhaustion. “You’re lying to yourself. You knowthat this is real, but you prefer to dismiss it. Why? You know you’re dashing and successful, but you can’t believe the idea that I could genuinely be in love with you?”
“Enough with this. I think I’ve entertained your silly crush long enough. It’s time to let it go.” Aoi’s tone is firm, but his gaze betrays him. “I have no interest in a relationship with you.”
He can lie all he wants and act like the problem is my age and naivety, but I know better.
He’s scared.
Does he think he’s unlovable? How? Anyone who has ever set their eyes on him would tell him how fucking perfect he is!
I want to ask what happened to him and why he shuts himself away in a glass cage. I can tell he’s interested from the way he looks at me and glosses over my figure.
He’s holding back but why?
It’s not my place to ask. And yet I can’t let it go.
“Who are you trying to convince? Me or you?” I push my chair back and get up, then I make my way to his side of the table and drop to my knees. Aoi immediately reaches for me to get up from the floor, but I don’t budge. “Look me in the eyes and tell me I’m too young. Tell me you don’t see my feelings for you. That you don’t feel them.”
“What the hell are you doing? People are staring,” he whisper-yells.
