He’s so kind, and I don’t deserve a drop of that kindness. How can he look at me with such softness? Why doesn’t he push me away?
I know I’m being unreasonable, but everything is ruined anyway. I screwed everything up, and I doubt I can fix it, even if I try.
I lean my forehead against his torso, relishing the sensation of stability and comfort that washes over me.
His heart beats steadily, its pace quickening in his ribcage the longer we remain in this position. Every beat, every raise of his chest is proof that he’s alive and not a figment of my imagination.
The heat radiating from him reminds me of the nights when I…When…When I what? Huh? I can’t remember.
Another erased memory.
I’m sick of them popping up randomly when I’m at my lowest. Either come back at once or not at all. What’s the point of reminding me of the years that disappeared in a snap of fingers?
This isn’t right. Being comforted by him, I mean.
I step back to give him some personal space but instead of judging me for my behavior, his shoulders slump.
Andrew gazes at me with concern that strips me of my shields one by one until I feel my strings unravelling at a terrifying pace.
I have to get away from him.
I can’t let him shatter my walls so easily.
“I’m sorry. That was inappropriate.” I wipe my tears away. “Thank you for your kindness, but I should leave.”
I turn toward the hotel entrance and take a step in when a firm hand grabs my arm. “Wait. Don’t go.”
A sense of urgency flashes through those golden irises, and for a moment, a crazy thought pulses in my mind like a silent dare to cause more harm.
If he asked me to, I would voluntarily follow him where the lies end and the truth begins.
But I have long forgotten where the boundary lies.
It doesn’t matter where he’d take me as long as it allows me to finally rest without constantly having to listen to the thoughts in my head reminding me that I’m worthless.
“Let me help. Please, I want to help you,” he pleads as though his inability to assist in any way physically pains him.
I don’t want to be someone’s charity case. So what if I’m miserable? How does that mean that it’s okay for him to pity me? For whom does he take me?
I yank away, feeling the spot burn where his hand had been a second ago. “I appreciate your concern, Mr. Lacroix, but you’re overstepping.”
“Andrew.”
“What?”
“Call me Andrew. Not Mr. Lacroix,” he says, his tone firm but his eyes betray his true feelings. “I don’t want to be a stranger to you, Aoi.”
More and more people are starting to gather around us, gaping incredulously at the scene we’re causing. I chew the inside of my cheek, biting on it until the skin tears and I taste blood on my tongue.
I wish I could just sink at the bottom of a lake.
I can’t stand their judging eyes telling me that I’m a waste of space. Their watchful gazes narrow on me like I’m a disappointment, silently whispering at me to crawl back into my hole like the maggot I am.
“What are you thinking about?” he asks, making me stagger backwards. “Whatever happened, I doubt it’s your fault.”
This man is trouble and yet I can’t look away. Instead, I catch a hold of his hand and pull him closer.
“Take me away from here. I don’t care where as long as it’s somewhere far away.” My voice trembles and he gawks at me. “You said you didn’t want to be a stranger to me. Then do me thisfavor.Please.”
