It hurts so much, I can’t breathe. My throat burns and rips as if I swallowed blazing nails.I hate it. I hate it. I fucking hate it.
I run faster, away from the sight I just witnessed, from the words I heard and can’t begin to comprehend. My legs tire out as I stumble into a wide room inside the warehouse, and I spin around when I hear footsteps behind me.
“How could you?” I cry my throat hoarse. “You liar. You traitor. You disgusting monster!” My head hurts, my heart aches, everything burns inside. I stumble over my own feet and fall to my knees, scraping them against the concrete. “Why? Why did you do that?”
“Monster? You’re being unfair.” Jason’s voice is cold and his hazel eyes are empty of the familiar glimmer they’d have when looking at me.
“I’mbeing unfair?”
My entire life I chased his love and affection. There wasn’t a second I didn’t wish him by my side but now?
I want him dead.
My mind fills with painful memories, washing over my consciousness. I remember every beautiful moment in my life.
Every time he picked me up after school. When he brought me a different book after each visit. The day I drunkenly confessed to him. Our first time. My parents laughing brightly. My sister making me watch Anime with her. My mother kissing my wounded knee when I scraped it after falling off my bike. My father cooking my favorite meal for my birthday.
“I did what had to be done to keep you,us, together. I didn’t mean for things to go that far.”
He destroyed my life.
“You selfish piece of shit. You killed them!” I grab his collar and restrain myself from choking him right here and now. There are still too many answers missing to my questions. “I made myself believe that my misery was my fault, but it was always yours.”
“No, it was an accident. It was only supposed to be your moth-”
“My mom? I heard you say it! Don’t you dare lie to me.” I blink, trembling as I try to make sense of it all.Hot tears continue streaming down my cheeks and my vision blurs, my entire body shaking. “What the fuck did you do? Explain yourself!”
“She had found out about us. She threatened to tell your father and the cops. I had no choice.”
I take a step back. “So, you killed her? You killed them all to protect your sins? You lied to me my entire life and destroyed everything I had because of your selfishness?”
“My love for you isn’t a sin, Aoi! I truly loved you and I still do. If I hadn’t gotten rid of her, I would have lost you!”
I can’t believe it.
How can he claim to love me when all he’s ever done is lie and manipulate me? He took advantage of my innocence and groomed me. How dare he call it love when all I’ve done is long for that feeling?
Everything I ever thought I knew was a lie. Our relationship, his words, his promises, his love for me. All of it has only ever been an illusion, and I fell for it.
“Shut up! How dare you say you love me? You don’t love me! You’re a sick bastard that groomed me into falling for you.”
How could I be so blind? I’m so stupid. Stupid to believe him, stupid to trust him, to care for him, to love him.
I have nothing left.
A cold whisk of air brushes past my shoulders. I don’t have the strength to raise my head, nor to cry. I’m so exhausted, so incredibly tired of fighting. What have I been fighting for anyway
I’m alone.
“She was going to ruin our relationship. I did it for us!” He raises his voice, clenching a hand over his chest. “You need to understand. I did it because I love you.”
“For us? You did it foryourself. Stop lying to me. Stop lying to yourself! It’s over, Jason. You ruined whatever we were. You ruinedme. It was all you, not my mother. Not anyone else.Just you.”
His name tastes like poison on my lips. I want to vomit.
My heart constricts so tightly that I can’t breathe. He grits his teeth and looks down at me as I lean my forehead against the cold floor and let the tears stream.
I can’t think about anything anymore.
