“Yeah. Keep me updated.”
“I will,” he says and hangs up.
Please, be safe. If there’s a god out there, I’m begging you. please make sure he’s safe. I’ll never ask for anything else so please,please, just save him.
I don’t care about myself. If I have to live the rest of my life forced to watch him from afar and never address him again, I will, as long as he’s okay.
Please, God. If you’re out there, protect him.
Bring him back to me.
54
Aoi
The forest’s shadows make me shudder.
I thought I might end up changing my mind on the way, but I guess not. I’ve known my entire life that this is how it would end, and I feel a type of anticipation as I hike through the woods, and a vast lake welcomes me.
It’s beautiful and eerily quiet. The crickets are chirping, and the fresh May breeze blows through my hair as I step on the stone shore.
A soft buzzing in my pocket startles me and I pull out my phone to find missed calls from Visha, Amira, Elena, and Sally. I don’t understand why they care so much. I’m doing them a favor. Why can’t they just let it go?
I open Visha’s texts and read through them.
VISHA
Please Aoi come back.
VISHA
You don’t want todo this.
VISHA
Please, come back home.
Home?
I’ve long forgotten what that means.
I crouch down and place the phone on the ground as a few tears roll down my cheeks. The freezing water submerges my feet and shins as I step into the lake, shivering at the sensation of the cold in my limbs.
I waddle toward the horizon until the water reaches my neck, and I look up at the moon smiling crookedly at me. “Mom, Dad, Maia, if you can see me, I’m sorry. I wish I could’ve been stronger but I’m not. I never was.”
Fear slowly turns into peace as the cold water stiffens my limbs, and I begin struggling to swim. My breathing gets shallower, and I dip under the water, gasping for air as my face pierces the surface.
I thought drowning would be quick and feel as if I were floating in my mother’s womb, but I was dead wrong.
As time spreads out, I swallow more water and choke, jerking in the water to stay afloat but I’m so tired. I can’t keep swimming with the frost digging into my flesh and paralyzing me.
Dread and horror finally take a hold of me as my instincts fight to survive - to live.
Just let it happen. It’s what you’ve always wanted. It’ll be over soon. Don’t fight it.
I jerk as water wrenches its way into my lungs and burns its way through until tears spring to my eyes and I cough, gasp, and cry.
I’m scared. It hurts.
