It doesn’t.
I just never told her that even when I sleep next to her, my nightmares still claw at my throat and rip my skin apart, jolting me awake and forcing me to float in a puddle of sweat.
Instead, I try to be as quiet as possible to not wake her when it occurs.
“Yeah, thanks.” I shove the pillow under my head and let her tuck the blanket over us. “Good night, and thanks for letting me stay over.”
“You’re my best friend. I’d help you hide a body, if needed.”
I laugh and flip her off. “You’re so dumb.”
“Says you.”
I nuzzle against the fabric of the black pillow and inhale her scent, but it does nothing to ease the nausea throbbing in my gut. The worst part is that I can only faintly remember Aoi’s scent. If it weren’t for the stock of his favorite perfume in my closet that I take a whiff of daily, I’d have forgotten his fragrance and probably lost my mind.
Am I borderline obsessed with him?
Perhaps.
Okay, I most certainly am.
Nights like these make me hate my stupid choices. I often catch myself fantasizing about a present in which he and I spend our days intertwined, sewn together, forever.
But that’s all it is.
A fantasy.
He is not mine, but I remain his.
4
Aoi
I step into the dimly lit bar and am immediately greeted by Sally’s over-the-top enthusiasm. “Aoi! You’re finally here. Oh my God, come meet the others!”
She drags me toward their table, where Amira and Elena gleefully wave at us. Both women have been in a relationship since college, and honestly, I’m still waiting for one of them to propose to the other.
“Still as cute as always, aren’t you, Aoi?” Amira teases, as her girlfriend presses a kiss to the back of her hand.
“Can’t compare to you, Ami.”
She giggles and gestures for me to sit. Her dark skin contrasts with her blue eyes and her satin dress of the same shade. Goodness, she breathes elegance and beauty.
Elena, on the other hand, still presents herself in a more masculine way.
Her blonde hair is tied in a half-up bun, and she’s wearing a simple button-down and mom jeans. She’s living proof that awoman is by no means required to be feminine in order to exude gracefulness.
Sally and I take a seat around the table and order our drinks. She’s unsurprisingly already tipsy, while Amira and Elena are taking it slow as usual.
“What have you been up to?” Amira asks, letting her Bengali accent slip.
‘It’s easy to remember’by John Coltrane Quartetplays in the background as I take a sip of the Negroni I’m served before answering, “Mostly focused on work. Nothing special. I’m sure you ladies have more interesting things going on in your lives, though.”
Sally pushes two strands of ginger and blonde dreadlocks behind her ears. “I met a guy, actually, but I’m not sure if it’s going anywhere. Elena and Amira are still the same lovebirds, but at least they don’t ditch me to go on dates just the two of them!”
Amira laughs brightly while Elena playfully nudges her. “Anyways, I’ve been promoted to HR manager, and we adopted another cat. Look! We named her Coco.” Amira shoves her phone in my face, showing me the thousand pictures she took of their new senior cat. “Isn’t she cute?”
I can’t help but smile. “The cutest.”
