We succumb to silence, trying to decipher each other’s thoughts. A week. A fucking week?! Next he’s going to tell me that Beyoncé died. I’d take that news better!
I suck in a deep breath. I can’t lose my shit, not in front of Visha.
“I see.”
“It’s the best for me.”
“The best for you? Mhm, I suppose you’re right.”
I want to cry and shout, but I have no right. He’s neither my child nor my sibling. I have no legal nor blood right to keep him by my side. I have to let him go but what the actual fuck! I don’t understand. I’m stuck between finding Bellami and smacking him back to France with a baseball bat and simply going to a bar and drowning my thoughts in booze.
I thought he considered me family. Turned out I was dead fucking wrong.
“Are you upset?” he asks in a tiny voice, his golden eyes welling up with tears. “I know it’s sudden, but I really want this.”
He wants this? But how can I possibly let go of him?
“Well, I’d be lying if I said no. I’m not mad of course. I mean I understand your reason. I just- I didn’t think this would happen.”
I bite back a silent sob. Fuck, I can’t cry. He probably feels guilty enough without me making it worse, but it hurts so fucking much. I want to understand but I just can’t.
“But we’ll stay in touch, right?” He gazes up at me, dripping with hope. “There’s no reason why we wouldn’t. I’ll call often and text you every day!”
My entire being is crumbling into pieces. I’m a fragmented mess of broken glass. All there’s left of me is shattered hope.
I can’t breathe.
“Of course we will. I’ll come find you in France if you don’t reply when I text you!”
“Yeah! Nothing has to change. We’ll be in touch, and I’ll come by for the holidays.”
I smile because there’s nothing else left to do.
“I have to go see my friends. They’re not aware of the situation yet and I shouldn’t wait too long to tell them.” He gets off the floor, grinning ear to ear.
Right, his friends. He has to tell his friends about it. Can I really let this go? Fuck it.
“Visha, I-”
But the look he gives me shuts me up when it dawns on me that he deserves better. He jumps into my arms, hugging me so tightly I almost suffocate and yet I relish the feeling.
“Don’t come home too late. I’ll order us some sushi and we’ll watch Coraline again, how’s that sound?”
Brimming with eagerness, he gets off me and rushes to the door, turning around one last time and says, “I love you Aoi. Now and forever.”
The door slams shut behind him, suffocating me in a thick silence. “I love you too,” I mutter.
Now and forever.
Barely a second left with my thoughts and it becomes too much. Why do I tear myself down to be built back up again just to have my heart smashed against a concrete wall? Why is it always me? Why can’t I keep my loved ones in my life? Whydoes everyone always leave? Is it me? Am I just unlovable? Am I not enough? Notgoodenough? What do I have to do to be loved? I just want to be loved and cherish those I care for. Why is everyone leaving me? Am I really cursed to be alone forever?
I’m bound to love and lose.
Every. Damn. Time.
I lean back against the frame and stare at the ceiling. My phone goes off. What now? I throw a swift glance at the screen and grimace. Unknown number.
I reluctantly pick up the phone. “Hello?”
