A new pressure squeezes around my heart. He’s not angry at me. A wave of relief hits me and bubbles in my stomach like a fish exhaling underwater. It’s rather funny how every action and word of his has such a massive impact on my emotional stability.
I nod and stare out of the window, watching the trees pass and people stroll in the street. “Thank you. I seriously thought you were mad at me for some reason, and I didn’t like that.”
“I’m gonna try to communicate better to avoid this type of misunderstandings. I don’t want to make you blame yourself for my negative moods.”
“Did something happen?”
“Mhm? Oh, no nothing happened. I’m just tired I guess.”
Liar. That’s not the face of someone that’s 'just tired' but I can’t tell him that. It’s not my place to call him out on something that’s clearly none of my business.
“Are you nervous?” he asks, apprehensively. He forces a smile and focuses on the road, taking back his hand and holding the steering wheel with both hands.
I don’t know what to answer. I’m notonlynervous. I’m scared of what they’ll do or say once we get there. I’m terrified about the repercussions of this plan if it doesn’t work out in the end. What will happen to me in that case? Will I end up all alone? Will he give up on me? Will I be forced to stay with the Keytons?
As I don’t answer, Aoi takes my silence as a yes and thus he laughs. “Don’t worry about anything. From now on, it’s all in my hands. If it goes wrong, I’ll take responsibility. No matter what, I’m taking you with me and if they really want to be stubborn and disagree with the terms, then I’ll adopt you.”
He always seems so confident in whatever he says or does. I wonder how someone like him lives in this wretched world. He alone illuminates my life with a mere smile while others wreck me through the mud without blinking an eye.
“I don’t know how, but I’ll make it happen somehow.”
“You make the situation sound so simple. It’s as if everything’ll be fine no matter what happens as long as I stay by your side.”
Is that what happiness feels like? Is this what people call comfort and safety? He’s now the closest thing I have to a family. It must be the first time in my life that I truly cherish something and want to keep to myself.
“You think so? I may not seem like it but deep down I’m freaking out.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
I still want to ask about the true reason behind his strange behavior this morning, but I don’t want that smile on his face to fade away so soon. So, I remain quiet and watch the road as we drive past the Keytons’ home.
“It’s okay. It’ll be alright,” he assures but I can’t stop the doubt from creeping in.
It isn’t going to be alright. It’s simply too good to be true. This is how things will go off in my mind: we’ll knock on the door and Sharon will open with that hypocritical smile of hers. She’ll ask us why we came and glare at me through her mask of fake politeness. Aoi will walk inside and start threatening them, but they won’t go along with the plan and instead they’ll take me back and I’ll suffer the consequences of running away and seeking help.
That’s what will happen and as that realization dawns on me, I start shaking. “I can’t go, Aoi. I-I’m scared. What if they hurtyou? What if they punish me again for running away? Please, I don’t want to see them. I can’t-”
Nausea swarms in my stomach like a hurricane. Aoi unbuckles his seat belt and abruptly undoes mine. I look up at him through tears and the next second, he picks me up to sit me in his lap. Caressing my hair gently like a mother would to her baby, we stay quietly in this position for a while, my head resting against his chest while both his heartbeat and breathing lull me to a comfortable peace.
No words are needed when he holds me so attentively because his actions speak volumes. He won’t let anything badhappen to me. That’s what his embrace tells me. I canfeelit and that makes me sob.
My paradise.
“I’m here,” he exhales, his voice as quiet as a whisper. “I know how scary it is to have to face them but you’re not alone anymore. I’ll be there to protect you, and I’ll hold your hand through the entire process. If it’s really too much for you, would you feel more comfortable staying in the car?”
I’d feel more at ease staying behind, yet at the same time, I don’t want to be away from him. He promised to protect me, and I want to trust that he will. If I stay by his side, I won’t have to worry about a thing. I want to be strong. I need to overcome this so that I’ll never look back on this day and have regrets.
So, I pull away from his embrace and with as much confidence as I can muster, I say, “I’m coming.”
Aoi smiles proudly then unlocks the door and pushes it open, stepping out of the vehicle. He joins me on the sidewalk and locks the car behind us. The Keytons’ suburban house is barely a minute away, so we stroll for a while. Despite it not snowing anymore, I have to nuzzle in my winter coat for warmth as Aoi holds my hand.
He’s like a personal radiator. I remember thinking the same thing the first night we met. I never really had the chance to go around the city and explore. I was often too busy hiding, but I don’t need to hide anymore.
The dark cream walls of the Keytons’ house come into view despite the snow covering our surroundings. I point at the house and Aoi nods. We walk up to the front door, and I stiffen.
Aoi squeezes my hand and reassuringly smiles down at me, while he rings the doorbell and waits in apprehension as the door flies open and a blonde middle-aged woman greets us with a confused yet polite smile.
