It’s true. As much as I hate to admit it, I do miss it. His soft whispers against my skin as he gives me the world and the stars are all I think about when I see him. That is until I’m reminded of the harsh reality.
“It doesn’t matter, Jason. I have to bring Visha home.” I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him. “Thank you for tonight.”
“Anytime, my dear.”
I will never get used to this pet name. I don’t dislike it, but it isn’t an undeniable truth. I’m not dear to him as I hopelessly wish to believe I am.
15
Visha
Why does he look at him that way? He’s lying to me. There’s no other explanation.
No uncle and nephew behave that way. Family doesn’tflirtwith each other. Family doesn’t gaze at you like you’re their next meal. Family doesn’t talk to you as if your mere presence keeps them afloat.
This isn’tnormal. What’s really their relationship, because they’renota family.
It pisses me off how close they are. Yet I shouldn’t be this mad because whatever they have going on is none of my business. Still, I want to know why they act in that manner.
I don’t want to be kept out of the truth. I don’t want to be pushed aside. I don’t want to be thrown away. If I ask, will he tell me? Will he be truthful with me? Can I believe him? Can I trust him? Am I wrong to long for his affection?
Just because he’s kind doesn’t mean he’ll stay kind. There’s a spark in him that ignites life in me and yet I’m terrified of letting that fire burn.
What if he sets me aflame and lets me burn until all that’s left of me are ashes?
I want my mom and dad. But I don’t really know what it feels like to have real parents that love you. I don’t know how I can possibly miss something I’ve never known in the first place.
Maybe I’m overthinking this because I’m tired. Yeah, it’s probably that.
Aoi will bring me to his place, and I’ll sleep. The rest doesn’t matter. If the only happiness I get is these short moments with him then that’s enough for me.
Some people aren’t meant to live a long and fulfilling life. I’m not meant for that perfect vision of a dream. If I were born somewhere else, if my life started differently, if-
But it doesn’t matter because they’re merely suppositions. It is what it is and maybe it’s for the better. Maybe it’s my purpose to be a punching ball, a charity case, a martyr. Or maybe I’m just one among billions and whatever I went through has no meaning.
It doesn’t matter. It simply doesn’t and it never will.
16
Aoi
I bid him goodnight and climb into the car, sliding behind the steering wheel. Visha yawns, fighting sleep to tell me, “Jason’s mean.”
It’s so random that I burst out laughing. I can’t disagree because it’s true. Jason is a mean person but never with loved ones. He was more on edge and rude today than usual which bothered me too, but I met up with him to ask for a favor, so I couldn’t argue over his unpleasant attitude.
“Why do you think that?”
Visha frowns and crosses his arms over his chest as I start driving. “He looks like he hates me and acts like I stole his dog,” he mumbles, pursing his lips.
“Jason’s a complicated man.” I sigh. “He basically hates everyone except for those he doesn’t. It would give anyone a headache trying to understand how his brain works, so don’t fret it.”
“So, he’s always like that? Rude and unlikable?”
I wince. “I think you’re being a bit hard on him.”
The night is heavy, and city lights brighten the road. Driving by night is a pain in the ass. Driving in the first place used to be impossible after the accident. It gradually became feasible with time and practice until the terrifying thought of crashing evaporated into thin air.
I almost crash the car when Visha speaks up, “What deal did you make with him?”
