She didn’t even glance back at the cabin. Just left him to chase a ghost—to chase me.
I thought she’d be happy, that’s the worst part. I run through the moment over and over—how her eyes dropped when she saw the flowers I left, how her hands trembled when she touched the scarf. The silence that followed wasn’t happiness; it was hollow.
I didn’t mean to make her cry. I thought it would feel like a gift. A piece of Anna returned to her. A sacred, secret thing only I could give her back
I thought I could ease the ache, but all I did was press further into the wound.
And that’s on me. I’ll do better next time.
God knows that’s the last thing I ever wanted. I know what it feels like when the person who's supposed to love you becomes the source of your pain.
Watching her puke into the snow pulled something dark and familiar out of me.
Takes me right back to being seven years old, curled on the cold kitchen tile.
I used to get sick all the time—CVS, the doctors said—but Dad wasn’t the kind of man who believed in doctors... or medicine.
He believed in discipline. In “fixing the problem at the root.”
If there wasn’t food in my stomach, I couldn’t throw it up... right? So he starved me. I would cry for hours before my body finally shut down, and I’d pass out. My stomach burned so badly, which only made the abdominal pain worse. It often led to bouts of pancreatitis, and I don’t even want to remember what he did toget ridof the back pain.
He said he was teaching me strength. Said real love meant pushing someone hard enough to make them better.
I wanted to believe him. I wanted to show him I was strong enough to love, strong enough to be loved back.
But no matter how hard I tried, I always upset him—always disappointed him.
Just like I’m doing now with Lumi.
A fresh ache unfurls in my chest, not because she pulled away, but because it was my fault she got hurt. I should've known Anna's scarf would be too much.
But love... real love... has always felt like fumbling in the dark for me.
I never had anyone to learn from.
I run my thumb over the frayed end of the scarf she dropped in the woods. I tucked it into my coat before coming back to the cabin. It smells just like her, floral and sweet.
“I'll do better for you,” I murmur into the soft weave of the fabric. “You deserve so much more than the way I learned how to love.”
I lift the scarf to my lips, breathing her in.
“You ran for me once,” I whisper. “Next time, I’ll let you catch me, little dove.”
28
ETERNITY
Lumi-
I wake up, but I keep my eyes shut tight. I’m not ready to face the world yet. My legs feel weak, and my body is too cold.
There’s no sound in the bedroom, and yet I feel like I’m drowning in noise.
Anna’s scarf flashes in my mind.
How did he get it?I know Mark is lying dead in the woods, but it’s the only thing that fits.
If monsters exist,can’t ghosts?
