“I know,” he whispers. “But I will never forgive myself for letting this happen.”
His other hand comes up, brushing strands of my hair from my cheek.
My voice is barely more than a rasp, “Andrik.. we need to talk?—”
I hesitate as I try to swallow; that’s all it takes.
He goes completely, terrifyingly still, before I can even finish my sentence, he pulls back.
His expression shifts like a storm front rolling in—panic, guilt, heartbreak.
‘“No,” he says softly, then louder, “No—Lumi, please don’t.”
He grips onto my thigh so hard it hurts, but I’ll never tell him that. That would kill him.
I wince internally, but I don't make a sound.
“Don’t what?” I rasp, confused.
He shakes his head desperately. “If you’re going to say it—if you’re going to leave—don’t. Don’t say it.”
My heart lurches.Leave? Why would I leave?
“Andrik—”
“I’ll fix it. I’ll do better,” he blurts out, breath hitching. “Whatever I broke, whatever I did—I’ll fix it. Just don’t leave. Please,Saelûn, I can’t?—”
He realizes how tight he’s holding onto me, and his hands fall away. He digs his claws into his palms before reaching up and roughly forcing them through the tangles.
His antlers gouge the wall as he staggers back. He drops to his knees like he can’t hold his own weight.
“I’ve waited lifetimes for you,” he breathes, rocking slightly, “I failed. I’ve already lost you once. I know I did. I lost you, Lumi. I don’t remember all of it,but I feel it in my bones.”
He presses his forehead to my hip, curling in on himself like he’s praying.
“Don’t go,” he whispers. “Not because of him. Not because I wasn’t enough to keep you safe. I’ll hunt him to the ends of the earth, I swear it. I’ll burn down whatever god created him, I’ll?—”
My fingers thread into his hair. “Andrik, I wasn’t going to leave you,” I whisper. He blinks at me like he’s confused by my words.
“I mean, we need to talk abouthim. About what happened. About what we need to do next.”
He crawls back onto the bed and sinks his head into my lap.
“Don’t do that to me,” he says hoarsely. “Don’t say it like that. I thought I was going to lose you all over again.”
I brush my fingers through his hair, my heart cracks wide open.
“I’m sorry, my throat is so dry.”
He nods into my body, whispering something over and over again that I can’t make out.
“I’m still learning how to be loved, Lumi. Don’t give up on me yet.” He doesn’t look up.
“It’s not your fault. I pushed you,” I whisper. “I begged you. You tried to hold back, and I—I didn’t want to wait anymore.”
His hands tremble where they’re wrapped around my hips. He starts to speak, but I cut him off.
“You warned me so many times, Andrik,” I whisper. “You were trying to protect me, like you always do.”
