Because whatever she sees... makes her pull back.
My grip loosens instinctively, just enough for her to slide off my lap. Suddenly, the silence is too loud, and I’m hyper aware of the mess I made. I’m humiliated that I came in my pants like a pathetic virgin.
I try to reach for her hand, but she moves it before I can touch her. Pain lurches in my chest.
“Do you... regret it?”
31
SHAME
Lumi-
The moment I say it, I want to take it back. His whole body jerks like I’ve struck him. He opens his mouth, then closes it. Not a single word comes out.
I don't know what I expected. Maybe a smile, or a soft no, maybe even a kiss. But not this haunted look in his eyes.
I grab one of the furs from the floor and cover myself. Cold creeps over me now that he's not holding me anymore.
The mark on my neck throbs, no longer from pleasure, but like a bruise pressed too hard.
He still hasn't said anything.
I glance at him again. His jaw is clenched, his brows are drawn in a tight line I can't decipher.
Maybe it was never him at all. Maybe it was just the bond, and now that it's fading... he realizes his mistake.
My face burns. I shift slightly on the rug, suddenly too aware of everything—the slickness between my thighs, his ruined pants, the pulse still pounding in my throat.
Maybe this didn't mean the same thing to him. Maybe it was just his animal side.
Embarrassment floods through my chest in a wave of heat that starts in my sternum and spreads to the tips of my ears.
I meant what I said. I did love it. I loved all of it. I've never felt more wanted, more treasured. But looking at him now, all I see is guilt.
I look down at my fingers. The ones that carved my name into his bones. All the things I said play back in an endless loop.
I slide back a little on the rug, keeping the blanket clutched tightly around me. I can't look at him right now, not when he can't meet my gaze.
My voice barely rises above a whisper.
“You don't have to say anything.” I force a breath and try to smile. “I think I'll—I’m going to take a bath. “
His head lifts instantly. “Lumi?—”
But I'm already scrambling to my feet, because if I stay any longer, I'm going to cry.
Once the tub is full, I sink to the bottom and scrub my skin harder than necessary, thinking that it can somehow wash the humiliation away. I've been in the water so long, I've had to refill it three times. The lavender oil I added doesn't help calm anything.
Nothing helps.
The mark on my neck still stings. I trace over it with trembling fingers.
Why did I ask if he regretted itif I wasn't strong enough for his answer?
My heart twists as I sink deeper under the lukewarm water. My body is still cool from where his vines held me.
My hand drifts to the inside of my thigh, where I can still feel the phantom echo of his claws.
