He felt savage. He tried to make himself feel that he did not care. That he wanted distance even if it came at the expense of wounded feelings. It was hard to convince himself.
Better her wounded pride than Louisa’s broken heart.
He straightened. “Very well. I accept my duty. I will attend.”
But as the matter was settled, Winston could not shake the sense that he had lost something far greater than an argument.
Adeline felt a weight settle on her shoulders as she dressed for the garden party the next morning.
Oh, how I have dreaded this day. Prayed for a storm that would force Lady Farnsworth to cancel.
But such wishes were foolish. There would be no escape. Even if extraordinary circumstances arose and the garden was flooded with rain droplets, the event would simply be moved inside Farnsworth Hall. Though Cordelia and Louisa spoke of it with excitement, Adeline’s stomach twisted at the thought of entering a crowd where any face might know her father. Or know her secret. One careless glance, one unguarded word might undo everything. And then there was Winston.
Since the moment in the music room, they had barely exchanged two words. He had disappeared to London, spending long hours at his club.It is probably a blessing. I cannot seem to control myself or my feelings when I am in his company. I cannot afford to become attached when I do not know how long I will have here.
Adeline Wilkinson might have a short life expectancy if Robert Grebe had been telling anything even remotely adjacent to the truth. She did not want a broken heart but was prepared to endure any pain to spare Louisa that fate.
I watch doors. I listen for his step. I ache with questions which I have no right to ask. Like, are you avoiding me?
It would be better if he were. For both their sakes. She could not build a life upon a lie, no matter how desperately she wished it. Her destiny was dark, already written in blood and shadow. She had lost her mother, lost the man her father had once been, and now she lived beneath threat of discovery and blackmail. Longing for someone, longing for anyone, was foolishness. As she dressed and pinned her hair, she could not banish the wish that there might be someone strong enough to bear the burden from her shoulders, if only for a little while.
As well, wish to fly. It is past time for pragmatism. An end to idealism. It only brings pain.
She schooled her face into brightness when she joined Cordelia and Louisa downstairs.
“My son has not returned. Even if he arrives now, still wearing the clothes he went out in last night, we cannot afford the time to wait for him to bathe and change. He is infuriating at times!” Cordelia grumbled. “Still, children. We are for sunshine and butterflies under a blue sky. We will not wait. Come!”
Louisa sulked, clearly disappointed as she followed her grandmother out of the house. Adeline found herself defending Winston.
“Perhaps he means to go directly to the party,” she said lightly. “I am sure he will meet us there.”
“You are an optimist, Adeline. Experience has jaded me when it comes to my son. But not my sunshine!”
She looked upward as she stepped out of the house, snatching off her bonnet and basking in the morning sunlight. Adeline grinned and winked at Louisa, who allowed a smile to penetrate her glower. Adeline prayed that her hopefulness was justified. She prayed he would not disappoint his daughter.
If he does not come to the garden party, it will make it much easier to dislike him.
The carriage rattled along sunlit lanes. The excitement of the occasion brought Louisa out of her shell, and she chattered happily. Cordelia made acerbic observations about which ladies would be overdressed and which gentlemen would overindulge. Adeline forced herself to smile and nod.
The garden party itself was a blaze of color and laughter. Ladies in silks drifted across manicured lawns, gentlemen bowed, servants bustled with trays of champagne. Beyond the lawn, a hedge maze beckoned, its green walls bright beneath the sun.
“I had forgotten that Lady Farnsworth had grown. An interesting enterprise. I think mischief will be managed where eyes cannot see,” Cordelia said.
Louisa frowned in confusion, looking to Adeline for an explanation. Instead, Adeline took her hand.
“Shall we try it?” she suggested
Louisa did not need any more encouragement but darted ahead, her laughter echoing between the hedges. Adeline followed more sedately. She realized her mistake after a minute in the maze. She found herself facing a dead end and with no idea where Louisa had gone.
“Louisa!” she called.
Upon entering the maze, she had heard other voices. Laughing ladies trying to find their way out and each other. Gentlemen loudly proclaimed their own surefire solutions for escaping a maze. But she seemed to have wandered into an outlying region, or else a part tucked away deeply. There was no sound reaching her through the thick, high hedges.
Adeline felt disquieted.
This is ridiculous. I am yards away from a grand old English house and a lawn full of people. This is a game, a diversion. Nothing to be afraid of.
A twig snapped behind her, and she whirled, heart racing.
