I wanted to kiss her in the dungeons, and in the elevator, and the first time she moved the towel with her toes.
If I’m being honest, I’ve wanted to kiss Sophie even before I hit her with the car.
But the thought of what happensafterthe kiss is what stops me.
And for good reason: now we’ve had the kiss, and we’re in the after-kiss phase, and I have no clue how to deal with it.
I set out with a goal, and I’m pretty sure I’ve surpassed it. I wanted Sophie to fall for me, to care enough not to have me charged or sued, or anything that involves legal ramifications.
Done. Check it off the list.
But what now?
If I leave Battle Harbour now—which is what my father would tell me to do—Sophie will think I’m a fraud. She’ll know I had an ulterior motive, because everyone will tell her that.
If I leave, I have to leave it open-ended, so she’ll keep hoping I’ll come back.
Also what my father would tell me to do. Lead her on. Leave her hanging.
But what if I stay… at least for a little while?
What if I let this ride and see what happens?
Two things would happen: the media would find out and rip apart Sophie’s quiet world to find out all the details, the dirty gossip, and anything they could to make me look bad. Because that’s what the media likes to do.
I am not one of the good guys. It doesn’t matter if I think I might be, it’s what the world believes, and the world knows me as the grumpy billionaire who breaks hearts as fast as he wins races.
But Sophie looks at me like I’m a different kind of person, like she thinks I’m the type of man that I’d like to be. The caring sort. Considerate. The kind of man who doesn’t run away from a good thing just because he’s scared of maybe getting hurt someday.
The second thing that would happen is that Sophie would stop looking at me like that. I would do something wrong, I would get jealous again, and I would do something stupid because I would want to protectmy heart.
I can call it something else, but that’s what I do. Have always done.
I mess up. I run.
I don’t know how to do it any differently.
ME: It’s nothing and it’s none of your business
RUPE: which means it’s something big and our boy is scared
33
Sophie
Anotherweekgoesbywithout another kiss. Or even talking about the one that happened.
Ashton still visits, but some of the closeness has faded. His walls are back up, quicker than I would have believed possible.
And it’s because of me. Because I overstepped and kissed him, and he didn’t want me to.
I tell myself that, but it sure felt like he wanted the kiss as much as I did. I may not have the experience that Ashton does, but I like to think I can tell when a man wants to kiss me.
I never would have taken the chance if I didn’t think the kiss would be reciprocated. I made the mistake thinking there was more between me and Martin after our one date, and I don’t want to ever feel like that again.
So I made sure with Ashton.
I watched the way Ashton has changed. The way his smirks have become smiles, how the condescending tone in his voice has become less. The softness in his gaze when he doesn’t think I’m looking.
