“What do you do in your spare time, if you don’t read?” Sophie asks as politely as if we’re discussing the weather. Good. Moving on.
But it’s not the easy question she meant it to be. Because what do I do? I don’t think of myself as overly busy, but I don’t have a lot of time where I can sit and read like Sophie is doing. Not that I would.
But now I know she’s not only doing it because she’s got a broken foot.
To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever dated a woman who liked to read. At least not one who told me she did.
“I watch YouTube,” I manage to come up with. “I look at TikTok. I do read—about racing. I watch movies. I—” I take a deep breath. “Shop.”
“You like to shop?” I don’t think it’s possible for Sophie to sound more surprised. It makes my mouth quirk up.
“Thatwasme with Abigail,” I say, but Sophie looks confused. “Did you not watch my season of The Suitorette?”
“I watched how you tried to make Abigail fall in love with you,” she says carefully.
I pause because the way Sophie says that… “It didn’t work,” I finish. There no need for a long dive into why I never admitted my feelings for Abigail. “Obviously.”
Guess that’s why she sent me home.
“No.” Sophie’s face is a blank slate, and I can’t tell if she’s pleased by the result. Or laughing at me.
“The shopping date was my idea,” I admit proudly. “So, yes, proof I like to shop. Even though it would have been the best date for Abigail, we wouldn’t have made it anyway.” Not that it was ever an option. In no reality would me and Abigail have been a couple.
Sophie cocks her head, book now forgotten. “You don’t think so?”
“I know so.” I wave a hand down the length of me. “This is a lot for some ladies to take on.”
“But you stayed on after Lyra left?” she reminds me. I only shrug because I still haven’t figured out why I did that, other than the bet Milo made with me. He said he’d get me a racing job, and that never happened.
I must have been bored to stick around as long as I did.
“What do you think the problem was?” Sophie wants to know, sounding like the therapist my mother insisted I talk to when I was twelve.
“I never said there was a problem,” I shoot back. “Who said anything about a problem?”
“You said on the show that you haven’t had a meaningful relationship.”
“I did not say that the problem was me. Why is that even a problem? Maybe I don’t want a relationship.”
I tried the relationship route before and that didn’t work out for me. So why would I bother to try again?
“Why not? Why wouldn’t you want to be happy with someone? Having someone care about you and support you… Being in love isn’t a bad thing.”
I just asked her about her book, and now we’re talking about love?
“Yeah? Is it a bad thing how you feel about the Martin guy?”
Sophie’s cheeks flush, and I immediately want to pull back the words. “That’s not love,” she says in too quiet a voice.
“How can you be so sure?” I press. “Have you ever been in love?”
She drops her gaze. The shake of her head is so quick that I wouldn’t have caught it if I hadn’t been staring at her. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe love isn’t all it’s cut out for.”
Sophie raises her eyes and looks at me, like I’m strapped to an operating table and she’s looking where to make the first cut. “I don’t think you believe that.” My voice is suddenly gruff.
Right now, I don’t know whatIbelieve.
All I know is that after I split with Mera, I couldn’t get past the certainty that every girl I was interested in was going to find someone better. I stopped trying. I stopped caring because you don’t get hurt that way.
