I flicked ash off the blunt and stared at the ceiling, lettin’ my mind drift right back to last year even though it hurt to remember it. Kay’Lo woke me up with breakfast and gifts, actin’ like my birthday was some national fuckin’ holiday. And later that night, he told me to get dressed ‘cause he had one lastsurprise for me. I walked outside and saw a black Escalade V sittin’ in the driveway, sittin’ on twenty-fours with candy-red calipers, and the paint flipped from black to deep wine under the right light. He customized the interior with red suede, black leather, my nickname stitched in the headrests, and lights that glowed under the seats. He did the sound system too so the bass would swallow my chest every time I played my music. I remember cryin’, hittin’ his arm, kissin’ him, and tellin’ him to stop showin’ out for me like that ‘cause it made me love him too hard.
And now look at us. We done spent three weeks apart. Even though I played that shit cool, I wasn’t gettin’ no sleep or peace. There was no Kay’Lo snorin’ in my ear or reachin’ for me in the middle of the night ‘cause he swore he couldn’t rest unless his hand was on my thigh.
I rolled onto my side and stared at the empty space beside me. I hated this bed. I hated how big it felt without him. I hated that every time I heard a noise, I sat up lookin’ around like a scary ass kid ‘cause he wasn’t here to check anything. He always hopped out the bed ready to beat a burglar’s ass, even when it was just the wind.
I missed that. I missed him. And the worst part was knowin’ that if I gave in and called him right now, we might be good for a few days or a few weeks, but eventually we would end up right back here, arguin’ about the same shit and pretendin’ like love was enough to fix it.
Maybe we needed to live apart. Maybe we needed space for real this time. Maybe love could only do so much before the real damage started showin’.
My phone started ringin’. I expected it to be him for half a second, even though I knew damn well it wasn’t. When I saw Pluto’s name on the screen, I felt a tiny bit of relief. She had beenmy ear through this whole mess. If I hadn’t had her, I probably would’ve been outside Kay’Lo’s shop actin’ a fool weeks ago.
I answered slow. “Hey girl.”
“Hey sis,” Pluto said gently. “What you doin’? You alright?”
“I’m cool,” I lied, takin’ a slow pull from my blunt. “Just chillin’, layin’ down.”
Pluto talked to me normal at first, askin’ lil’ things just to ease me into the conversation like she always did. But my mind kept wanderin’ back to last night, and I finally said it.
“That nigga was textin’ my phone on some bullshit last night,” I muttered. “Talkin’ about how I ain’t tell him happy birthday. He love makin’ everything a problem.”
Pluto got quiet. I knew her tone by now, and I could tell she had somethin’ she ain’t wanna say.
“Well,” she said softly, “you already know I was there…”
The way she said it made my stomach get tight.
“Okay. And?”
There was a long pause. I could hear her swallow. Pluto was never scared, so her bein’ hesitant? I already knew it wasn’t good.
“Toni… I’m only sayin’ this because I love you,” she whispered.
I say up straight and put my blunt out. “Umm, okay.”
“Kay’Lo left the section with a female last night. She was on him all night.”
My hand froze with the blunt still in my hand while I was still puttin’ it out.
My heart felt heavy, but my voice stayed calm.
“What she look like?”
“I don’t know her,” Pluto said quickly. “Pretty. Done up. She knew she was bein’ seen.”
“She was all on him?”
“Yes.”
“And he was on her too?”
“He left with her,” Pluto said again, like she needed me to hear it right.
My heart dropped even though my face ain’t move.
“Okay,” I said quietly. “That’s cute.”
“Toni… I’m sorry,” Pluto murmured. “I just couldn’t hold that and look you in your face.”
