I opened the box and followed the instructions, but my hands was tremblin’ so bad I almost dropped the damn thing. When I finally peed on the stick, I set it on the counter and closed my eyes for a moment ‘cause I needed a minute to breathe. I pulled my shorts back up halfway but ended up stayin’ on the toilet because my legs didn’t feel strong enough to hold me up. The silence in the bathroom made my heartbeat loud, and I counted the seconds without even meanin’ to ‘cause the waitin’was eatin’ me alive.
When I finally looked down and saw the test, my whole body went cold. The wordpregnantsat right there bold as hell and my hand flew up to my mouth. I stared so hard my eyes started stingin’ and my stomach flipped. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. All those times I waited for this and it never happened. All the nights Kay’Lo held me and talked about wantin’ a family with me, all the times we tried and tried and I convinced myself it wasn’t gon’ happen. Now this. Now when he was locked up and they was tryin’ to take his life, my body decided to finally say yes.
My hands was shakin’ uncontrollably and tears fell down my cheeks before I even realized I was cryin’. I couldn’t get myself to move. I kept lookin’ at the test and the reality of it sat inside me heavy and terrifyin’. Sha’Nelle called my name but I couldn’t answer her. I was frozen with shock, fear, disbelief, and somethin’ deeper that scared me even more.
Then my phone started ringin’.
The ringtone felt like a slap and it pulled me out of whatever daze I was in. My shorts was still around my ankles but I reached for my phone with tremblin’ fingers ‘
When I saw it was Kay’Lo, my heart sank, but I refused to miss his call. I wiped my face quick and pressed accept, breathin’ so uneven I hoped he couldn’t hear it.
“Hey baby,” he said, and his voice sounded warm but tired, like he was tryna hold everything together for me.
“Hey,” I whispered back.
“How you holdin’ up?” he asked. “I love you.”
He sounded calm enough that most people wouldn’t hear the stress buried underneath, yet I knew him too well. I heard every crack he fought to hide. I heard how lost he really felt. It made my chest hurt even more ‘cause I couldn’t fix anything for him. I couldn’t bring him home or stop what was happenin’ around us. And now I was sittin’ in our bathroom starin’ at a pregnancy test while he was locked in a cell not knowin’ if he’d ever come home again.
I knew I shouldn’t say anything right now. I knew I should’ve waited. I knew it wasn’t smart to drop somethin’ this big on him when he had so much on his shoulders, yet my heart was beatin’ too fast and my mind was spinnin’ and I felt impulsive ‘cause everything inside me felt turned upside down.
“Kay’Lo…” I whispered.
His voice sharpened with concern. “Baby, what’s wrong?”
I stared at the test again. My hands wouldn’t stop shakin’, and my whole world felt like it was shiftin’ under my feet.
“I’m pregnant,” I whispered.
Silence dropped between us so heavy I felt it in my bones.
Kay’Lo ain’t say a single word for a long moment. When he finally spoke, his voice was low and cracked in a way I had never heard from him.
“How you know you pregnant, baby?”
I closed my eyes as tears fell. “I’m lookin’ at the test now. I just took it.”
He let out a long sigh that sounded like heartbreak and relief and devastation all wrapped together. “I’m in here and you finally get pregnant with my baby.”
His voice broke, and even though he tried to cover it, I heard everything. I heard the pain, the disbelief, the fear and love. It hit me so hard I pressed the phone tighter to my ear like it would help me hold him somehow.
“I know,” I whispered, cryin’ now. “And I don’t know what to do.”
Kay’Lo exhaled again, and I heard the strain weighin’ on him. “I’m sorry, baby.”
The way he said it made my heart ache. He wasn’t apologizin’ for the pregnancy. He was apologizin’ for being trapped, for not bein’ here, for not protectin’ us and for not bein’ able to feel this moment the way he always dreamed.
Kay’Lo had wanted a family with me for years. He talked about it so many times that I could hear his voice sayin’ it in my sleep. We was even beefin’ about the shit. And now the minute it finally happened, we was separated by walls and death penalty threats.
I held the test in my hand and cried so hard I had to press the phone away for a second just to catch my breath. The reality crushed me. I was pregnant with Kay’Lo’s baby while the statewas tryin’ to put a needle in his arm. And I had no idea how to survive a world where our child might grow up without him.
I whispered his name again, and he whispered mine back, and for a moment neither one of us said anything because we was too overwhelmed to speak. All we could do was breathe through the kind of pain that had no words and pray that somehow, some way, he would come home to us.
TiTi’s Baby…
Sitting in the backseat of my Maybach, I sipped a small pour of Henri IV Dudognon Heritage Cognac, letting the warmth settle across my tongue as the city unfolded outside the tinted window. The liquor was older than most governments, aged longer than most marriages, and valued high enough to offend anyone who didn’t understand indulgence. I held the glass delicately as we moved through the streets of Trill-Land, watching the sunlight bounce along the water in soft ribbons. The island was waking up slow, stretching into its morning with palm trees bowing in the breeze and the distant hills glowing a gentle gold.
My driver kept his eyes forward while my man in the passenger seat scanned every passing vehicle like he expectedtrouble to introduce itself, and I appreciated that kind of vigilance.
