“Go away,” I call out.
The door opens anyway. Ghost walks in and closes it behind him.
“I said go away.”
“I heard you.” He sits beside me on the bed. “I’m not good at following orders.”
“Clearly.”
We sit in silence for a moment. Then he says, “You’re right. We’re smothering you.”
“Yeah.”
“And we’re being idiots. Fighting over you like you’re a prize instead of a person.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m sorry.”
I look at him. “Are you? Or are you just saying that?”
“Both.” He meets my eyes. “I am sorry. And I’m just saying it because I don’t know what else to say.”
Despite everything, I almost smile. “At least you’re honest.”
“It’s all I’ve got.” He’s quiet for a beat. “We’re scared, Bonnie. We’re scared of losing you. Of Marcus taking you. Of something happening to the baby. And when we’re scared, we get controlling. Possessive. Stupid.”
“I’m scared too.”
“I know.”
“I don’t think I can do this.” The words come out before I can stop them. “Be a mother. Handle this relationship. Survive this war. It’s too much. I’m not ready.”
“Nobody’s ready. You just do it anyway.”
“That’s not comforting.”
“I’m not trying to comfort you. I’m trying to be honest.” He takes my hand. “You don’t have to have all the answers right now. None of us do.”
“What if this arrangement destroys all of you?”
“It won’t. I know it won’t.”
I lean against his shoulder. He wraps his arm around me.
“I’m not sleeping with you tonight,” I say.
“I know. You need space. I get it.”
“Tomorrow though?”
“Tomorrow.” He kisses the top of my head and then leaves, closing the door quietly behind him.
I lie back on my bed, stare at the ceiling, and let myself cry.
28
ASH
