“He definitely dated up last night,” Sophie adds. “Did you see how pretty Lauren was?”
She clearly doesn’t understand I couldn’t care less about Elijah or his date. “I didn’t notice,” I force my tone to sound bored.
Kaci sighs. It seems she’s so relaxed, her mouth is not filtering normally when she finally says, “Don’t you think he was trying to make you jealous? I mean, we don’t hang out a ton with Elijah, but when we do, he never brings a date.”
“Well, I was there for their first date,” Sophie points out. “It was a dinner where we doubled, and that didn’t go too well. He didn’t seem interested in her at all. I’m honestly surprised they went out again.”
“I’m telling you,” Kaci half sings, lifting one cucumber to stare at me, “he brought her but looked at you the whole time. He was trying to make you jealous.”
The snort that escapes from deep inside of my throat is anything but ladylike. “Ha, that would require me to think about him, which I don’t.”
“You’re going to get a serious case of whiplash from the way you keep looking around when you know we’re all here.” Kaci wags a playful finger. “You’re not that smooth.”
“Sure, at one time, I loved him,” I say the wordlovedso forcefully that a bead of sweat springs on my brow. She knows the whole story, and the fact she’s bringing this up on our morning to relax is frankly infuriating. “We had our chance, and it didn’t work out. We’ve both clearly moved on.”
“Nobody’s moved on. If you had, you would be talking about your new Mr. Wonderful, but you aren’t because you’re still hung on him.” Kaci peels the remaining cucumber from her eye, her voice softening. “I was watching him when you walked in, and his face was etched with pure devastation.”
Now it’s my turn to call her bluff. “What are you even talking about?”
“I’m talking about how the poor boy is still in love with you. He was so miserable he didn’t even smile during the toast. Last night, there were so many goalie jokes about Jackson. Normally he’d be rolling on the floor with laughter. He was gutted.”
Sophie nods solemnly. “When you ran out of the room, he watched you. He wasn’t just observing. It was a meaningful look. He was totally longing. Like he was remembering when you were together, and he looked like he was about to fall apart.”
I shift in my seat and glance at Holly, who is awfully good at her job. She hasn’t uttered a word, almost making me forget she’s there. “I think you’re misreading his facial expressions. He wasn’t upset. He just has one of those bone structures that makes him look that way.”
Kaci pulls herself up into a sitting position and takes her glass from the little bamboo table next to her. She holds it in the air like she has one final point to make. “No offense, but we aren’t going to agree on this. That man still loves you. The date was to upset you, which clearly worked because you’re frazzled. You two still love each other. Accept it. Maybe even try to talk to him about it. Then get married as quickly as possible so our kids will have cousins the same age. It only makes sense.”
The knot in my stomach pulls tight. I lean forward. “Oh, I’m definitely not telling him about my feelings. Did you forget that we didn’t break up because I fell out of love? He wanted something more—a relationship that would help his career—and that wasn’t me. It will never be, and I don’t want to be with someone like that.”
“Did he tell you that?” One of Sophie’s brows quirks higher than the other. “I can’t imagine him saying anything close to that.”
“Well, he didn’t say it exactly like that. But after he signed with Granite Ice, he did this interview,” I say quietly. “He was asked about his goals. He never mentioned he was getting married. It was so odd. When I asked him about it, he shut down. It felt like he was embarrassed of me. His parents, mostly his mom, confirmed it.” Shaking my head, my voice steadies. “I can’t love someone who’s not willing to admit he’s with me, especially in the career he’s in. He’s all over social media, and girls are always swoony. If he can’t admit he’s in a relationship, that’s a deal breaker.”
I’m ready to drop it, but Kaci reaches across the aisle, placing a hand on my forearm. “I think you need to rethink some things. It doesn’t sound like him at all. It sounds like maybe he was dealing with some outside pressure he didn’t know how to handle.”
Turning my gaze from her, I stare at the wall. “Maybe he didn’t know how to handle the pressure back then, but he’s certainly figured it out with his new girlfriend.”
“Please,” Sophie interjects, her tone dripping with sarcasm. “Nothing against her, but the look on his face said she’s not going to be his wife.”
A slow, humorless chuckle slips from my lips. My chest is tight, but it’s cathartic to finally say these things aloud. I’ve been holding all of this in for months. While in Paris, I never told anyone I had just broken off an engagement. I never even uttered Elijah’s name. In a way, it was the perfect respite, giving me time to pretend my life at home didn’t exist. Now that I’m back, it’s time to face the feelings I buried so deeply.
“What do you think, ladies?” Kaci raises her drink, cueing a change of subject. “To love.”
“Ah, not for me.” I squint at her and lift my glass. “It’s all about emotional suppression for now.”
“You can cheers to that,” Sophie quips. “At least toast to Elijah’s nice jawline. You can totally admire that without admitting your feelings.”
“Not happening,” I half-chuckle when we clink glasses.
Even though she’s right.
Even if I don’t want to love him anymore.
His jawline is still perfect.
eight
Elijah
