I want her to stay. I met her on Halloween, and I want her to be here for every single holiday after. I want to see Ari’s first Thanksgiving, even if it’s just one bite of pureed sweet potato. I want to buy her way too many gifts for Christmas. I want to kiss Loretta at midnight on New Year’s Eve.
Loretta sits up. “What is it? Did you hear something?” she breathes, voice panicked.
“No. I was just thinking that I’ll miss you when you leave. I hope you stay in touch.”
“Um. Well. Let’s see how things go with Matt, I guess. I mean, I love my parents, and I might need them, but maybe Pine Ridge might be an option, too.”
“It might?” I beam. My face has no filter. “I’ll babysit whenever you want.”
She gives another sleepy giggle, and I squeeze her hand before I head out of the room.
Chapter Nine: November
Idon’t hear from Matt. He can’t contact me. I miss my “things,” but their loss pales in comparison to the fear and stress, the sadness and worry that had become so present that I thought they were normal. The undercurrent of fear that he’ll suddenly appear never fully leaves, but it fades around Jasper.
If it’s co-dependency, I decide that I don’t mind.
We make breakfast together, even if “together” means I’m nursing while he’s cooking, or he’s singing Ari songs (very silly, somewhat gross songs, by the way) while I’m getting it on the table. And he doesn’t complain about the fact that it’s five in the morning, because the news is on at six, and he has to get there before that. We go with him, in his car, using a carseat base he borrowed from Harper and Alban Wymark. Yeah, the lawyer. They live a few streets away, and the lawyer is Officer Walsh’s brother-in-law. It feels like everyone knows everyone else, and everyone is ready to help.
I don’t feel isolated, even though I’m away from everyone I know.
Even though it’s only been four days, I feel sort of at home.
When Jasper is done with the news, he has places to go in town. Today, it's hockey practice, the opening of a new little book and gift shop, and a whole bunch of community events.
Ari and I go, too.
I’m safe around him, and he’s happy around me, and Ari... Ari must be too young to miss Matt, or maybe there’s somethingmagical about Jasper Wainwright. He’s a baby wrangler. Ari naps like a champ on his shoulder, and I’ve seen him write up articles forThe Pine Ridge Gazettewith one hand while she sleeps in the crook of his free arm.
If I didn’t know better, I’d say he loved her.
If I didn’t know better, I’d say I was falling in love with...
But that’s dumb.
When we finish Jasper’s rounds after the evening news at six, we come back home, eat, talk, and watch a movie together. Sometimes, I feel like the movie is just an excuse to go sit in front of the fire with him, closer each night, his hand warm and strong around mine.
Like him. Warm and strong round us. Protecting us.
THE MOON WILL BE FULLtonight. I can feel it. The wolf is awake, pacing under my skin, slavering because my mate, my mate who smells divine, like blood and milk, and herbs and vanilla, is near us.
Very near.
Push the toast down in the toaster and don’t move from the spot. My eyesight is at its keenest these three days. I see Loretta draping a blanket over herself to nurse the baby, fast and discreet.
Today, I let myself look, even though I’m ashamed of how my cock gets hard watching the flash of soft breasts with hard nipples, so big that they overflow her hand. How my eyes zero in on the reddish pink nipple bearing a single drop of milk.
I growl and turn the garbage disposal on to cover the sound of lust I’m making.
I want to fill her belly with me. Push my knot into her and give her siblings for Ari, give her the sweet, safe haven shewants with lots of children running through it. Want to feel her growing with our children.
I picture her, round in front, belly like a basketball that I can put my hands under when I take her from behind, and I have to press an icy cold gallon of milk against my crotch to shock me back into respectable behavior.
“Today, I have to do the morning news, and then I’ll be home all day. My evening work will start around four.” I give myself an extra hour to make sure they’ll be safe. “I have been dragging you with me everywhere, and you’ve barely gotten started on the housekeeping things I asked you to do.”
“You also keep vacuuming every night, and doing all the dishes,” Loretta chides, smiling at me from across the kitchen. “I think I’m safe enough to stay here today. I’ll unload the clean dishes and do the dirty ones, Jasper! Tonight, I’ll cook something and have it ready by four.”
I’m going to protest until I see the shine in her eyes. My domestic engineer. She loves this. There’s a quiet, peaceful joy I haven’t seen yet.
