This time, he’s quiet. “What do you mean, no?”
I shake my head at the confusion and hurt in his voice. “We really did get married too young, Matt,” I whisper. But I’m lying, at least partially. I was ready.Hewasn’t. He doesn’t know how to be a husband, how to cope. I guess I thought he did. Aren’t we always told love is all you need? So many of our friends were getting married right after college, too, young and in love like us...
“You talked me into it. Said you wanted this!”
“If you think I wanted someone to keep me on edge for the rest of my life, you are very much mistaken,” I whisper. “I never knew if you’d come home angry or happy, if asking for help would earn a ten-minute lecture about how I should do it myself since I ‘don’t have a job’ or a big smile and a ‘that’s what I’m here for, wifey.’ That shouldn’t happen. You should trust your partner. I don’t trust you anymore, and apparently, you don’t trust me.”
“Well, I sure as hell don’t now!”
“You didn’t before. You didn’t trust that I was working just as hard for our family as you were, that I was trying to be the best wife and mother I could be. I’m just... I know we’re done. You know it, too, Matt. You couldn’t have been happy with me, or you wouldn’t have—done what you did.” I end in a miserable voice. I didn’t want to cry, but I can’t help it.
“You made me act that way.”
I shrug. “Fine. Blame me. That’s as good a reason as any to let me go.”
“Let you go? A divorce?”
What the hell did he think I meant? I’m suddenly worried for Matt’s mental and cognitive health. That sparks a fresh wave of guilt. Should I be with him? Is this some kind of illness, early-onset dementia, or some sort of rage disorder?
Jasper’s head peeps in the door, face somber. He clenches his jaw and makes a muscle—then points at me.
I am strong.
And there are plenty of people who are ill who don’t injure their spouses. People who have mental health issues who know what’s right and wrong.
“Yes, a divorce. It can be short and easy, and you’ll never have to see me again. We’ll just... We’ll move on.”
“What about Arianna? You are out of your skull if you think I’m letting you keep that baby.”
“You work. You can’t even take a day off to watch her when I’m hurling my guts up and running a fever of 103°.”
“I’ll put her in daycare.”
“You said that with one salary, daycare was impossible. You’re right.”
“You don’t even fucking work!”
I wince. I’m no puritanical prude, but I always think swearing at someone in anger is disrespectful. His pledges of doing better don’t even last five minutes. That should give me all the strength I need to keep fighting for Arianna. “I’ll be starting work soon, and childcare is included,” I say, and leave it at that. “Matt. I’m going to the police. I’m getting an order of protection. If you want me to drag you into court, I will, but when they see the photos—”
“I’ll say you did it yourself. I’ll say you’re psycho. You’re nuts. You ran into doors and fell down stairs because you’re drinking at home all the time.”
I make a strangled cry of horror that earns another appearance from Jasper.
“I’ll get a blood test at the police station while I’m there,” I say, voice shaking. “How can you say you love me if you're willing to lie like that and take Ari from me? If you love her, how could you take her mother from her?”
“You’re trying to take her from me!”
“Not forever, Matt. I hope not forever! Just until you’re better. Until you don’t get so angry. You’re dangerous when you’re angry.”
“You’re right about that, Loretta. Okay. Okay, you have some wild ideas, but I admit, I can do better. Come home, bring our daughter back to where she belongs, and I’ll go get therapy. Family counseling crap. We’ll look back on this and laugh one day.”
How will pushing your wife around until she runs away in fear ever be funny? I wonder, but I don’t dare interrupt.
“Or, you can stay away. And I’ll find you. And then you’ll find out that I’ve been going easy on you. You’ll get exactly what you deserve if you try to keep what’s mine.”
“Ari is ours, and she needs to be safe. Please, Matt, if you love her, you’ll know that—”
“You’remine!She’smine! You belonghere, withme!” The noise is deafening, a shout that breaks the phone into nothing but static and shards of noise.
