Shit, I’m actually considering this. Stepping outside after decades of hiding to infiltrate the very organization that would have me raped and milked if they discovered my true identity.
It’s madness. Complete, blatant madness.
My shoulders jolt at a sudden knock on the door. “Cass?” Lachlan’s voice, heavy with sleep. “You’ve been in there a while. Everything okay?”
I clear my throat, staring at my eyes as I answer. “Fine, just thinking.”
“Well, think in bed. Some of us need to use the bathroom before morning.” He doesn’t sound annoyed, and I smile despite myself.
“Give me a minute, and I’ll be out.”
“One single minute,” he warns, but the warmth in his tone belies any real irritation.
I splash water on my face as the pressure in my head continues to rise. I wouldn’t last a day as a man.
But as I open the door and pass my yawning brother, I can’tshake the feeling that something fundamental has changed tonight. A possibility has presented itself, and now that I’ve seen it, I can’t unsee it.
My eyes are immediately drawn to Lachlan’s uniform hanging in the open closet of our bedroom. The darkness behind the slit in the mask calls to a part of me I’ve wanted to let loose for so long.
My decision is made before I fully realize it.
I’m going to do this. I’m going to become an Enforcer.
And then I’m going to destroy them from within.
CHAPTER THREE
CASSIA
Ishoot upright in bed, my nightshirt clinging to each part of my skin from the copious amount of sweat. My heart hammers against my ribs like it’s attempting to break free from the danger I’m about to put it in. My body feels like it’s burning despite the room’s chill, and I shove away the blanket that’s tangled around my legs.
Darkness squeezes me, the familiar shapes of my bedroom transformed into looming shadows. Across from me, Lachlan’s steady breathing fills the tingling silence. He sleeps soundly, unaware his life—our entire family’s lives—are about to change because of the decision I’ve made.
I haven’t slept. Not a moment. My mind refused to quiet as it spun through scenarios and calculated risks, imagining outcomes both triumphant and disastrous. The hours crawled by as I stared at the bare ceiling, waiting for the time I’d need to rise, half-hoping I would lose my nerve.
If anything, I’m only more determined.
Careful to not make a sound, I slip from beneath my covers and place my feet on the cold floor. My limbs droop with exhaustion, but my mind is sharp, focused by a cocktail of fear and resolve that burns through my veins.
I glance at my brother once more before grabbing the small pack I prepared last night from beneath my bed. My hand flails until I feel what I’m looking for, dragging it slowly to the surface. Peering behind me, Lachlan’s face is still peaceful in sleep. I didn’t expect to wake him, he sleeps like the dead, but every sound feels like a bomb exploding. I don’t even trust he couldn’t hear my heart if he were awake.
Will he understand I couldn’t bear another day of living through books and windows? Will he hate me when he realizes what I’ve done?
I hope not.Even if I am being selfish.
But at the same time, I hope he does. Perhaps it will be easier for him to accept my betrayal if he loathes me for it. I will shoulder his hate if it makes this better for him.
The floor creaks beneath my weight as I walk to the door, and my eyes widen as I curse my stupidity. I know how to avoid every weak spot in this house; so giving myself away from naive distraction is unacceptable. I freeze, tilting my head to listen for any change in Lachlan’s breathing, but it remains steady. Once in the hallway, I pause again to aid my ears in catching any sign that my parents are awake. Nothing but the familiar groaning of an old house and the distant ticking of a clock in the main room.
I should want one of them to wake in time to stop me. To unknowingly keep me from a fate that will surely lead to nothing but pain and emptiness.
And yet I don’t want that.
Both hinges on the bathroom door protest quietly as it pushes open, and I wince. Once the door closes with a gentle click, I lean against the edge of the sink, sucking in a few deep breaths before flipping on the small light above me. My reflection stares back, pale and wide-eyed. For a moment, I don’t recognize myself—this version of Cassia who’s about to walkinto the ranks of the Enforcers. Who’s about to shed her skin and become someone else.
My lip curls as I strip from my nightclothes, fear and sweat still clinging to my pores. I yearn for a proper shower, but the pipes would groan and wake my family. Instead, I settle for the next best thing: a wet washcloth I scrub over my body. The chilled water raises goosebumps across my skin, making me shiver every few seconds. This is certainly a poor substitute to a full wash, but it will have to do. I cannot risk this one chance for the sake of cleanliness, especially as the majority of it would be to sate my mental state.
My fingers squeeze and release in a quick pattern before I shove the anxiety away and grab Lachlan’s uniform from my pack. The dark fabric catches the light in certain places, almost appearing as though it’s smiling; taunting every moment I continue readying myself. As if it doesn’t believe I will succeed, and it’s happy to watch me fail.
