All this time I’d been thinking about starting a family with Claire, excited to marry her and claim her as mine, I realized how half-assed I had been acting about my current family, my current child. Andre wasn’t a concern, but I had to understand how to move forward with my daughter.
Sitting there quietly, she zoned out and stared at her plate.
Claire winced a little, squeezing my hand, turning to cringe at me. I squeezed her fingers back.
I had to have faith that this was the right step to make. Giving Anya the power to decide something like this was a big challenge I had to accept.
“You’re asking me if I want to stay or go?” Anya asked several long, tense moments later.
I nodded, certain this was the day she’d been waiting for. The day she’d get my permission to go, finally.
“You mean that?” she asked incredulously.
I nodded again. I couldn’t blame her for being skeptical.
“No!” She furrowed her brow, making a small V above her nose. “No, I don’t want to leave.”
Blinking quickly, I tried to get over the shock. “You don’t?”
“No. I don’t want to leave. I want to be part of a family.”
Andre huffed. “You are.”
She whipped her head around to face him. “Then I should stay, right?”
“You should do whatever makes you happy,” he suggested.
Bingo.That was precisely what I was realizing.
“Then I want to stay,” she said, smiling lopsidedly at Claire, as if she couldn’t believe this was being offered.
“You do?” I had to ask. Because of how strongly she’d protested being here, I had to check. The last thing I wanted to do was focus on starting a family with Claire but be held back by trying to form a relationship with Anya. One that didn’t include her hating my guts and never wanting to speak to me.
“Yes. I want to stay and belong and…” She frowned, as if she were disappointed in herself. “I want the chance to be open-minded and change my interpretation of who you are.”
Claire beamed, squeezing my hand. “Good,” she said, as if that settled it.
This was good, but wholly unexpected.
As we resumed wrapping up dinner, I couldn’t help but feel like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Anya wanted to give me an opportunity to be her father. And it was all thanks to this woman. My sweet doctor.
Because of her, because of her patience and the generosity of her big heart, Anya wasn’t dead-set against living with me.
Pulling Claire close until I could kiss her cheek, I dared to wonder if everything could be falling into place at last.
My sonanddaughter with me.
My future fiancée being the glue I hadn’t realized we’d needed.
And this warmth of love swelling in my heart, finally convincing me that I had been wrong all this time in thinking I’d never be wanted and redeemed.
38
CLAIRE
The day after what I considered the “big” family dinner, I was thrown out of the almost idyllic mindset that things could be calm and quiet around this place.
It was just like the superstition and jinx that saying things were the Q-word meant the opposite would happen.
