“How? Because it wasn’t a kill made in direct self-defense?”
I nodded. That was exactly it. “I will always worry about whether she can truly accept the darkest parts of who I am. I will never hesitate to take someone’s life to keep her safe. But how far will she be openminded? How will she tell herself that it’s not evil or bad to act as the judgeandexecutioner?”
We rode up, and he smiled slightly at me. “I don’t know. But I bet you can ask her and guide her through it.”
He had a good point, but still, as I went upstairs and debated going to find Claire to check on her, I wondered if even my guidance wouldn’t help her. It would be ironic for me to give her tips on how to get through the moral headache of accepting how I’d kill our enemies. Instead of looking for her and overwhelming her further, I went to the lounge on the main floor and sat near the windows to peer at the cloudy, storm-brewing sky.
Will you always have a part of you that will see me as a monster?
It was too similar of a fate to what Olga had believed.
No, that’s not true. Olga was just too influenced by her parents.
That situation applied to Claire, too. She was raised by strict, law-abiding parents.
But Claire isn’t Olga. She is her own person. She’s not some young, stupid bride forced into anything. I gave her the chance to walk away properly and stay away safely.
I sipped a drink and stayed put, musing about how Claire was young too. She was impressionable, but it wasn’t the same as what I’d faced with Olga. When my father died and put his stampof approval—and expectation—on my marrying Olga, I was only eighteen. So was she.
In hindsight, neither of us were ready to marry or to start a family. That wasn’t the case now. I was older, wiser, and fully secure and confident in my role, the role of the boss that I had just been given when my father and brother died. Now, I was smarter and more capable.
Claire, too, wasn’t a young wallflower who was sheltered and spoiled like Olga had been. Through her years of studying and working, Claire had experienced and witnessed the harsher side of life. She went through the deaths of patients she couldn’t save and she endured the trials of a demanding and difficult job where the stakes were high.
Just… be patient. Have faith.
Killing Jack was the last obstacle in the way for me to fully feel like I could move forward with Claire. It was done, but I was hesitant, even a little nervous, about how she would react now.
After all, with him dead, she could change her mind and want to leave again.
The only thing that bound her to me and had her staying was this love she claimed to have for me. But could she really love me no matter what?
“Is he dead?”
I turned around quickly, so lost in my thoughts that I hadn’t noticed someone approaching. People were always moving around in the building. Guards and household staff were on the move, doing their jobs. But I had been so preoccupied about mythoughts of Claire that I hadn’t been paying attention to anyone seeking me out.
And least of all, her.
Anya stood behind me, her hands in her pockets and her face tense.
I could count on one hand how many times she’d wanted to speak to me. So far, most of those occasions included her yelling at me and judging me.
“Is that doctor dead?” she asked.
I nodded, getting over the surprise that she would want to ask me that. Or talk to me at all. I hoped that with time, she’d open up more and more to me. Perhaps it would just have to be a gradual progress. Since she chose to stay here and not live elsewhere, it implied that she wanted to change too.
“Good.” She furrowed her brow and lowered her gaze to the floor. “I don’t like to think that way, that itisgood that he’s dead. But I’m glad he can’t be a threat to Claire anymore.”
I nodded and cleared my throat. “I will always keep my family safe.”
Even you.
She nodded and made eye contact again, timidly. “Thank you.”
“No thanks are necessary.
“I mean thank you for keeping her safe,” she explained. “I really like being able to spend time with her.”
I smirked. “Me too.”
