When Chuck was finished, he’d let me go and walked away as though nothing had happened. Mom called an ambulance, and when they asked what had happened, Mom had lied so easily, telling them I tripped and fell onto the pan.
No one believed it. Why would they?
Social workers came to me in the hospital, but I hadn’t wanted to get Mom into trouble, so I’d agreed with her. They’d given me a card in case I needed to call them, but I never did. Instead, I ran from the hospital as soon as I was healed enough to do it. The doctors were supposed to do skin grafts, but I didn’t want to be stuck in one spot where Chuck could find me. Not long after, Mom divorced Chuck.
And not long after that, she’d died.
Part of me wondered if she’d really drank herself to death. She’d been found dead on the shore of Lake Ontario with a bottle of vodka, no marks on her. It was all suspicious to me, but apparently, not the police. Surprise, surprise, there was no real investigation. Open and shut case. The drunk drank herself to death.
It didn’t matter. I was the one with the scars to show for Mom’s broken relationship.
I shuddered and another cry spilled from my lips. Eddie lurched forward and dragged me into a hug, and I buried my head against his chest to cry. As crazy as it sounded, this was the first time I’d bawled about the incident since I’d woken up in the hospital with a burned face. I’d forced myself not to think about the trauma that came from living with Chuck, but Eddie being home was the harshest reminder of all.
“And the others on the list, did they hurt you, too?”
I nodded, sobbing more violently. “I. Don’t. Want. To. Talk. About. Them,” I said between each hiccup and sob.
He was warmth on a cold night, and despite still wanting to be angry at him, I couldn’t, not when he offered me comfort. No one else cared. Mom didn’t even look for me after I ran. Eddie had been the one to have my back after my mom married his dad, and now he was here, and I sought his solid presence. His safety.
Would he protect me?
Snot ran out of my nose and tears covered my cheeks, but I still glanced up at him, pleading with my gaze. “Make me forget. I know you probably aren’t gay, but please. Use me. Do what you want with me, just take me to bed and kiss me and tell me you’ll be there for me.Please?”
His expression darkened and I didn’t know what to make of it.
“Who says I’m not gay?” His whisper worked its way up my spine, and I shivered. “When I was still living at home, I was figuring stuff out for myself. I came out at college. What do you want?”
“You,” I murmured. “Only you.”
8
EDDIE
“Come on.” I wrapped my arm around Tyler’s shoulders and urged him into the living room. He stumbled and flopped onto the couch. Anger tore me apart inside. Why would anyone hurt him? I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I grabbed a tissue and handed it to him, and I massaged his shoulder as he blew his nose.
I sat beside him for a minute, pressing us together from thigh to hip, my arm sliding around his waist as naturally as if he had been made for me. I gave him a squeeze, hoping I was helping. “Let me get you a washcloth.”
With my heart in my throat, I rushed to the bathroom and got a cloth, soaking it in cold water. My actions were mechanical as I wrung out the cloth. Why would Tyler want me to fuck him? I wasn’t a virgin, but I didn’t suffer from the delusion that my skills could make someone forget the nightmare he’d been through.
So, why? Because he thought I’d killed for him? I searched my eyes in the mirror over the sink and didn’t see any easy answers.
He’d gotten hurt after I’d left.
Groaning, I scrutinized my blue eyes, wishing I could see into my own brain and sort through the crap floating around in there. And how fucking good was it to hear someone say they wanted me? Really good. I shivered and heat settled low in my stomach as excitement made my cock twitch. My dick wasn’t magic by any stretch of the imagination, but I wanted to do anything he asked.
Cold drops hit my toes and snapped me out of my thoughts. I rushed back to Tyler, who was sniffling while pink blazed in the apple of his left cheek, then sat beside him.
“There you go. I got you.” I brushed back his shaggy blond hair and wiped down his face, not shying away from any part of him, then rolled the cloth and rested it across his eyes for a minute while a heavy silence gathered in the room. Not even the glow from the Christmas tree could chase off the intense feelings. Tyler’s chest rose and fell, interrupted by hitched breaths here and there.
How could anyone hurt him, let alone a whole list full of people? I grimaced at the thought of my name on the list and didn’t go down that mental path. The guy I’d known before I’d left for California was mostly happy. Did well in school. Was quick to smile. My stomach churned. What did those people do to him? Tyler said he couldn’t talk about it, at least, not right now, but I needed to work on being brave for him so he could tell me. Someone had scooped out the center of my chest and there was a raw, bleeding hole hidden in there.
“Better?”
Tyler shrugged. He grabbed the washcloth and tossed it on the floor. “What are you doing?”
“Uh, helping? Like you asked?”
He rolled his eyes, then grabbed my shoulders and pulled me in. Our noses bumped and it wasn’t elegant, but that hole in mychest seemed to vanish when our mouths fused. I licked my way between his lips as heat scrabbled around in my stomach, and he sighed, wrapping his arms around my neck. Our kiss softened as I mapped out the slick skin of his tongue with mine, but that chaotic sensation of a gathering lightning strike buzzed a frantic tempo beneath my skin. I gripped his waist until my fingers hurt. Lust drugged my thoughts and sizzled in my gut.
