I scrubbed the back of my head furiously and glanced at my cowboy hat hanging on a hook near the door. It’d been my dad’s and it’d started out as a joke. When I was a kid, I used to watch a lot of westerns with him, and what began as a tradition became something more. He’d bought us both a hat, and we would play pretend, both cowboy sheriffs after the thieves who’d robbed a bank. Now he was dead. All I had left was that hat. And Mom. ...She’d joined him. What did I have left of her other than a half empty perfume bottle and trash?
He stroked my cheekbone and over my jaw, and I relaxed under his attention. Sighing, I closed my eyes. “There’s some guys around here who sell. I’ll talk to them, find out what they know.”
“I can come with you.” He laid a kiss in the corner of my mouth, and I exhaled through my nose again, tears still falling from my eyes. I couldn’t stop them, even as he chased them away with more kisses.
“You shouldn’t. People here don’t like outsiders.” I licked my dry lips and leaned against him, my cheek pressed on his shoulder. I traced my fingers over his chest and around his pecs, breathing as deeply as I could to calm myself.
How fucking embarrassing. I told the guy I only wanted to fuck, and instead, he’d seen me have a breakdown. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had one, if ever. Not even when Dad died. I’d told myself I needed to be strong for Mom. But maybe...I could rely on Zayn? Was that stupid? It didn’t feellike it. “Trust me. They won’t talk if they see you. Let me handle it.”
He made a disgruntled sound and drew me closer, and I hooked a leg over his knee. Rocking my hips forward, I dragged my cock against his thigh. I wasn’t hard—how could I be after Mom’s death—but a burning desire expanded in my stomach. The need to forget, just for one night, grew. I tilted my chin to look at him.
“Daddy?”
Zayn’s attention flew to me.
“I don’t want to think tonight. I just want my Daddy to fuck me and make me hurt a little. Please?”
8
ZAYN
“Where’s your room?” I didn’t love that my voice cracked. I was doing my best to ignore the cesspit of memories trying to suck me down, down, deep under where there was nothing but hell.
“Sleep in here,” he rasped, dragging himself closer. The heat that radiated from his body was incredible. I wanted to bask in the glow.
If I focused on the here and now—on Keaton’s body and pain—I could ignore the past. I surged forward and kissed him. He melted against me, the fight in him doused by whatever was running through his head.
Guilt.I knew that nightmare well. And he wanted me to replace the gnawing agony with something physical he could sink his teeth into and fight back against.
As I kissed him, old grief surged to the front of my mind.Fuck.
The horror show that tried to tug me under was why I killed. Why I played my game.
I would let despair pour out of me like acid later when I murdered whoever had given Keaton’s mother the meth. At thispoint, Keaton seemed too sincere to be selling drugs without tipping his hand to me. I kissed him until I tasted blood, and my adrenaline ramped so high I wasn’t sure if it was mine or his.
“Condoms and lube?” I asked.
He grunted. “Hold on.” It took us about a minute to separate, and I wanted to follow him to keep kissing, but that would be silly. Instead, I flopped back onto the couch while he went into the small kitchen area and grabbed a box of crackers from the top of the fridge near the back. He shook something out, and as he tossed the box in the garbage, I realized it was supplies for our fun activities.
“What is that?” I snorted out a laugh.
He shrugged. “There aren’t a lot of private spots in the trailer. No one else likes those.” A sweet blush took over his face. No, that man had cried over his mother and hadn’t felt the need to confess any sins.
There weren’t any.
I gestured to the spot in front of me. “Strip.”
He walked over and tossed the lube and condoms onto the couch at my side. I couldn’t look away from his pink face. His eyes were still red from tears. But his chest was flawless when he lifted his shirt and his cock made me salivate as it bounced up in front of him.
“Jerk off for me,” I demanded, voice barely above a whisper. My cock was driving me crazy, so I unbuckled my belt in a rush. I licked my bottom lip as I pulled out my dick. Keaton and I were a matched set, both of us ready to blow.
“Oh, fuck yeah.” Keaton spread the precum from his cockhead down his shaft, then gave himself a solid stroke that had his head falling back. “I wanted pain.”
“You’ll get it when I decide to give it.” I squeezed his hip hard enough to leave marks on his skin when I let go.
He moaned. “Yes, Daddy.”
“Do what I told you to do.”
