He hesitated and that was the only answer I needed.
“Were you dating me to get revenge on Alex?” I asked. He opened his mouth, but I was too far gone to stop. “Did youfuckme so you could gloat to my son about it? Was I a fucking game?” I screamed that last word, and I forced myself to my feet, even though my legs were still shaky. Everything hurt so much that I thought I was going to die.
My first real relationship since I’d tried to beme, and it was all fake. What made the pain worse was that I cared for him.
He stared at me for too long, and I couldn’t stop the tears from leaking, though I’d tried to keep them at bay. The droplets slid down my cheeks and I took a shuddery breath.
“I wish I could say none of what he said was true, but I can’t.” He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and his jaw hardened. I hated that he was directly under the light. I wished I couldn’t see him at all. “It started out that way, Micah, but it didn’tstaythat way. I care for you, and when I realized I really like you, I tried to make peace with Alexander so we could make our relationship work.” He yanked his hands out of his pockets and held out an arm to me, but I merely stared at it accusingly. “Please. Come here. Let’s go to your house so we can talk about it. I’ll tell you everything, I promise.”
“Fuck off,” Alex snapped, startling me. I’d forgotten he was there. “You fucked him so you could tell me all about it. I came to tell you I liked you, and then you led me over to Dad.”
My eyes widened.Liked him? Alex liked Yukio?My head spun faster and dizziness made me wobble again.
“I neverledyou over to him. I thought you’d left, and when I came over to Micah, you were there.” Yukio straightened and slid between me and Alex. “Now you’re making shit up.”
Tears burned my eyes and I hated that I was weak enough to let them go. Why did it hurt so much?
Yukio turned toward me. “Hanii, let me take you home. Please. I can tell you everything.”
“Why?” I whispered, then chewed on my bottom lip. “So you can lie? Because that’s what you did, Yukio. You lied to me from the beginning. Fuck.” I scrubbed my hands over my face. “I’m so naive. My dad always told me I was stupid, and that if I didn’t harden up someone would hurt me. Gods. Look at me now.”
“Micah, please.” He reached for me, and I slapped away his hand.
“Don’t touch me. You don’t get the right to come near me.” I stepped away from him and nearly tripped, but I managed to catch myself. My cheek ached, but not as much as my chest. In a matter of one night, everything went to hell. All the good parts of my life died.
The distraught expression on his face tugged my heart strings, but not enough for me to accept any plea or apology. He’d treated me like a fool, something I’d always feared. The embarrassment and shame were more than simple feelings, they were an overpowering deluge that made me want to retreat and never show my face in public again. I’d trusted a man when my head told me not to, and now I would suffer the consequences.
“Did you laugh?” I whispered, my face scorching with heat. “When you fucked me, did you tell Milo and your friends and laugh?”
“Of course not.” He shook his head furiously. “In the weeks I’ve known you, I really started to like you.”
“So, why not tell me?” I yelled louder than I’d meant to, catching the attention of a couple of people walking down the other side of the street. They paused and watched us, and my mortification was complete. Now we had an audience. “If you’d told me earlier, I might have believed you, but now?This?And Alex likes you?” I shot a look at Alex. “You like him?”
His jaw tightened and he shrugged. “Yeah, I did. That’s why I was at the bar tonight, to tell him.”
Yukio grunted. “How about you tell your dad what you’ve been doing?” He threw his hands up in the air and his rings glittered. “You’ve been harassing me, bullying me since we met. How the fuck does that sayyou like me? It’s fucked up.”
“So, your revenge is to fuck me and gloat to him about it?” I still couldn’t understand it. The entire situation made my head spin.
Yukio dropped his hands and his mouth twisted sadly. “Micah, please let me explain. I never did that. I’ll tell you everything.”
“No.” I shook my head. My fingers itched and my foot began tapping again as my anxiety reached peak heights. I needed to go home and hide away where no one could find me. I was already imagining my comfortable bed with the lights out and my phone off, where I could be by myself and weep. “This is done. I’m not a complete idiot, and you may have made a fool of me, but I won’t let it continue. You got your revenge, so I hope you’re happy.”
I held up my palm when he went to speak again, and I stalked around him. “Alexander, let’s go. Now.”
To my surprise, Alex didn’t argue. He followed me, even as Yukio called my name, and I led him as fast as I could toward my Kia, which I’d parked across the street from the station. We didn’t say a word as we got into the car and drove off, and when I got him back to the house that he shared with a few other guys, he merely gave me a nod before he got out. I wished I knew what to say to him, but it was too much, and Ineededa hot shower and my bed.
By the time I got home, I was a wreck. I’d started crying somewhere between Alex’s place and mine, and I kept wiping my nose with the back of my hand and cursing myself for my idiocy. I stumbled my way into the house and locked it securely so no one could get in before I walked toward the bathroom on shaky knees.
I collapsed during my shower, and I didn’t know how long I sat there, but I rested my head against the tiled wall and cried more. The release of my sadness soothed my soul a little, but that didn’t stop the shame that continued to play scenes in my head over and over again. I thought about the first time we’d had sex, then the moments after that, and I replayed the days we’d spent together when we hadn’t been at the school. He’d even been so caring and patient about the fact that I hadn’t bottomed before I met him. The time spent together had been satisfying.
And a lie.
By the time I crawled into bed, I was more than a mess, but I didn’t care. All I wanted to do was curl in on myself and think about anything else except Yukio, but that wasn’t how my brain worked. The lyrics to his songs echoed in my mind, and I murmured them as I cuddled deeper under the blanket in only my boxers.
At some point during the night, he knocked loudly on the door and screamed my name.
“Micah, I know you’re there. Let me tell you everything. Please.” His voice shook, and I didn’t know if it was because he was drunk or crying. Did he have a heart? No, I didn’t think so. Either way, he didn’t deserve my mercy. He’d used me, and I was nothing to him but revenge, so I closed my eyes tightly and pretended I didn’t hear him.
