“No shite, Sherlock.” Jamie rolled his eyes and settled back into the seat, getting comfortable. I had a feeling I wasn’t going to get rid of him easily. “I’m bored. Got anycraicabout ya and Cillian?”
I blinked at him, surprised.
“What are you, an eighty-year-old granny?” Ardan asked. It was certainly not something I would say, but I was thinking it, so I was glad he did.
Jamie offered him an award-winning smile. “I’m the lieutenant of my men and if their relationship woes affect my part of the business,Ardan, I can ask questions, can’t I?”
“Has our relationship impacted our ability to carry out orders?” I closed the book. With Jamie here, I wasn’t going to get any reading done.
“No, but ya weren’t fighting until after that bit with Joaquin going to the great beyond, were ya?” Jamie offered me a lazy smile. “And you’re the two best killers I have.” Ardan made a noise that sounded suspiciously like disagreement, and it had Jamie rolling his eyes. “I said thatIhave. You’re not under my command, are ya, Ardan?”
Ardan rolled his wrist and ended it by giving Jamie the middle finger.
Jamie ignored him and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “See, this is my problem, Aspen. Ya and Cillian do good work, but over the last few days, ya haven’t even been talking to each other. Cillian killed Cunningham on his own, and he asked Corbin to help him remove the body. That might work here, but back in New York, I need ya’s to work together again. I can’t risk teaming him up with someone else because he listens to precisely no one, and without ya, he and Rowen would kill each other, won’t they?”
I stared.
He sighed dramatically.
“With all due respect, sir, but are you questioning my ability to place personal feelings aside to do my job?”
“No,” Jamie said immediately and sat up straighter. “But I am wondering about Cillian. He’s not in the right frame of mind, Aspen. He’s not himself. He didn’t even ask me who he’s killin’ next after he got rid of Cunningham like he usually would. He’s not right.”
Ardan’s gaze burned a hole in the side of my head. “Cillian can’t fuck up again for a long time. Sloan won’t allow it. He’s gotta have time to forget the shit with Ilya.”
“Fuck.” I ran my hands over my face.
“So, I ask again, what happened between ya?” Jamie slapped his hands together, almost as if he was praying for me to tell him.
“It doesn’t matter. I’ll fix it.” I stood, not allowing Jamie to say anything else. I went straight to the bathroom, taking a long piss before I stared at myself in the mirror. I hadn’t slept well last night and I could tell by the bags below my eyes. Cillian had managed to slither his way under my skin, and I didn’t like it. No, that was a lie. I loved it, I just didn’t want to be brushed off as though I was another one-night stand.
A job was a job, though.
I sighed and left the bathroom, walking past Jamie and Ardan and heading toward the back.
Cillian sat across the aisle from Corbin, and he had earbuds shoved in. The moment he saw me, he tensed and his eyes narrowed when I fell into the seat beside him. Corbin, for his part, immediately got up and left us. I wasn’t going to apologize, but I wasn’t going to make things worse, either. If Cillian only wanted us to be fuck buddies, then I would live with that. I had Vail and Fallon to love.
Cillian took the buds out of his ears. “What?” he grunted out roughly.
I stared at the leather seat Corbin had abandoned across from me. “I’m not angry at you.”
He snorted. “Could’ve fooled me. Ye’re acting like a wee bit—”
“Finish that sentence and I’ll give you a shiner.” I glared at him, and his jaw twitched. “Fucking each other was a mistake.”
“Ye fucked me,” Cillian grumbled.
“It was a mistake.” My hands curled into fists on the armrests and I inhaled deeply.
He looked like he wanted to say something because he opened his mouth, then shut it again, shrugging. The awkward silence remained tense and I couldn’t put two words together to explain my feelings to him. I never had to do this with Cillian. Heknewme, but not with this bullshit because even I didn’t understand my brain with this. I was a mess of mixed signals. I wanted him to acknowledge me to Vail, and yet I didn’t. I wanted just sex, but I also wanted more. What did I fucking need?
I had no idea.
“We should go back to how we were in the past. Sharing. Nothing more. Jamie keeps asking what’s wrong, and if we don’t get our act together and we fuck up, there won’t be any coming back from that. No more chances.”
“All right.” Cillian’s little finger twitched where his hand was on his armrest, near mine, as if he wanted to reach out and link our fingers.
“We were good before, weren’t we?”
