Relationships were fucking hard. Even I could admit that.
It hurt to lose the ones you loved, whether by them breaking your heart or dying in the most horrific way. It was easier not to love at all, especially when what we did for a living was fucking dangerous. Now, we had Vail and Fallon and each other in ways we hadn’t in the past and that had changed everything.
Being inside Cillian was one of the most fantastic experiences I’d ever had. He’d fought me for control and tested my resolve. In the end, I’d outsmarted him, but he’d taken that as a challenge. Even though it was clear it terrified him to let me fuck him, he hadn’t backed down. Having sex with him was like having sex with myself. We pushed each other in ways others couldn’t and it was addicting.
I washed away the stress with the steaming hot water, then switched off the lever. Stepping out, I grabbed a towel from the rack hanging beside the shower and dried off. I grabbed another towel to wrap around my waist, dropping the wet one on the floor, before I headed back out into the bedroom.
Cillian was lying on his back and smirking at the phone in his hand. “Tell me it was funny.”
I didn’t have to guess what he was asking about. I’d called Fallon last night to see how he was doing after the titanium ring fiasco, and while he was still very embarrassed, he could laugh about it then. He’d also told me that he’d never seen his dick as big as it had been with that ring on it before proceeding to tease about how impressed the hot firemen were. I’d promised him a spanking for that when I got home.
“I am not going to tell you that,” Vail said through the phone, disapproval in his voice. “He was traumatized by it, Cillian, even if he pretends he isn’t. It’s not funny at all.”
“Let me talk to him,” Cillian said.
“No. Absolutely not. You’ll tease him, and then he’ll be upset. Oh! Did you get me those key lime coconut patties?”
Cillian’s expression softened, and while he still smirked, it turned into a loving curl of his mouth rather than meanly amused. “I thought that was Aspen’s job, not mine.”
I rolled my eyes and went to the bed, falling onto the mattress beside him. I snuggled up against him, resting my cheek on his chest, and while he tensed for a moment, he relaxed just as quickly. Vail blinked owlishly at us from the phone, his brow furrowing adorably, before his brown eyes widened behind his glasses and his mouth popped open in excitement.
“Oh my God.”
“Vail, don’t overthink it,” Cillian said immediately.
“Oh my God!” Vail bounced in place. With the wild motion of the camera, I could tell he was on Rowen’s bed because I caught sight of the simple brass lamp on his nightstand.
“Vail—”
I laughed when Vail nearly fell off the bed. He screeched, then giggled—that was the only word for it.
“You guys are having sex, aren’t you? I can tell. You look so happy.”
“We’re bloody not.” Cillian shoved me, and I frowned, actually hurt that he would treat me that way. Why didn’t he want Vail to know about us? It wasVail.
“You are! I have to tell Rowen and Fallon.”
“Don’t!” Cillian sat up straighter and sent me a glare from the corner of his eye. His jaw went tight and he huffed. “We’re just cuddling. What’s the problem with that? We’ve bloody cuddled before, haven’t we?”
I didn’t see Vail’s reaction because I’d distanced myself from Cillian, choosing to slide off the bed and to my feet. The towel around my waist loosened, but I didn’t attempt to grab it as it unknotted and fell around my ankles. Instead, I stalked naked out of the bedroom, ignoring my clenching gut as I headed toward my room.
Fuck it. If he didn’t want to admit that we were finally fucking each other, I didn’t care. I wasn’t going to stick around and listen to him lie to Vail all because he was embarrassed about letting me fuck him, as though that was something to beashamedof. No. Fuck that. I might forgive Cillian for a lot of things, since I understood him, but treating me like shit was not something to be overlooked.
Anger vibrated in my chest and I shoved open my bedroom door, then slammed it closed behind me. I paced the room, ignoring my nakedness and swinging dick. I didn’t like showing my rage, but now that Vail and Fallon had slowly broken the walls I’d built around myself, my emotions—all of them—had been peeking through. My control was slipping, and while I’d been okay with the change when it allowed me to love those two men who’d snuck their way into my life and bed, anger was a feeling I fucking hated. My job depended on my ability to think rationally. Torture was mind numbing and patience was a virtue. What the fuck had happened to my ability to hide my emotions?
I stilled, shut my eyes, and took a deep breath. I focused on breathing and thought back to the days on end of being at the hospital with Dad, seeing him fade away to nothing. It was a reminder of what emotions did to people. I remembered my mother’s distress as she watched the man she loved slowly die. The trauma of a teenager witnessing that was harsh, but even as I reminisced, it did nothing to lock my feelings behind a wall again. Vail and Fallon had crushed my control.
Fuck.
I glanced at the closed door. If Cillian came knocking, I wasn’t going to answer. I might have more anger now, but I wouldn’t show him that. If he wanted to pretend we were nothing, then I would, too. It was over before it even began. The only thing we would have in common was we both fucked Fallon and Vail.
Laughing at the stupidity of it all, I went to the dresser and pulled out a pair of boxers, then slipped them on my legs and to my waist.
When the knock at the door came, I went to it, ready to tell Cillian to fuck off, but it wasn’t him.
Jamie’s pursed mouth was worrying, but he attempted to smile. “I informed the boss of what happened.”
“And?” I asked, concerned.
