“You first,” he whispered, and when I frowned at him, he smiled gently. “Did you like what we did last night, Daddy? We didn’t have a chance to talk about it this morning. I... want to make sure you were happy with me.”
The concern that washed over his face had my heart clenching. His mismatched eyes gleamed with worry, waiting for an answer he never had to be concerned about. I didn’t regret last night and never would. The sex had been phenomenal, and there was no way I was going to complain about it. Was it ideal I’d found someone I loved even though I’d taken a vow? No, and when the time came it might cause controversy with Malachi and the higher-ups, but that was a risk I was willing to take. I firmly believe God had a plan for everything—hewantedme to meet and fall in love with Phoenix.
Love: it was such a strange notion.
I’d never been in love before, not like Jericho and Toma had once been. I’d only ever slept my way through men. Now that I felt this way about Phoenix, I didn’t want anything to change. I wanted this. I needed him.
I cupped his cheek and swiveled slightly so I was staring directly at him. “I was very happy with what we did, boy—veryhappy—and I want to do it again, if that’s what you want. Again and again.”
His lashes fluttered and his cheeks flushed as he nodded eagerly. “I loved it.”
“Good.” I brushed a gentle kiss on his lips. “Good, because Daddy wants a piece of your sugar more often.”
“Why did you wait so long?” he asked, and I realized by his grin he was teasing me.
I laughed. “Because I’m an idiot, that’s why.”
His eyes crinkled as he smiled wider, then joined in on my laughter, and we sat there for a minute or so just chuckling and enjoying each other’s comfort.
When we calmed down, he sighed. “I trust you.”
“Then why did you run?”
He chewed on his bottom lip and stared at the pew in front of us. Would he answer me? There were so many things he didn’t talk about. I was startled as he let out a soft sigh. “I blocked out a lot of my memories, Daddy. It’s almost like... I didn’t want to remember my life before.”
“Trauma will do that to you, baby boy.” I pressed my lips to his temple and kept them there. “What your ex did to you was abuse.”
“I know, but I don’t.... My mom’s dead. I didn’t get to tell her I was sorry, didn’t get to see her face again.” He rubbed his chest like it hurt, and I felt sympathy pains for him. I couldn’t imagine how it felt. “Perry took me away from her, and I didn’t get to tell her how much I loved her.”
I wanted to findPerryand rip him limb from limb. Phoenix had mentioned his ex’s first name a couple of times during serious conversations, but he never told me a last name for the man, so I couldn’t track him down. Anytime I pushed on the topic, he clammed up. I wasn’t sure if he didn’t know Perry’s last name or had driven it out of his own mind. For the first time since I went to seminary school, the urge to hurt and maim simmered in my blood. This was different than responding to an attack; I wanted to go on the hunt. “Do you remember your mother?”
“Mm-hmm.” He reached out for my hand, and I entwined our fingers, holding him tightly. “I remember her face, she was pretty.”
“Like you.” I raised the hand clutched in mine to my lips and kissed the back of it.
“Not like me.” His cheeks turned a bright red and he nudged my shoulder with his, making me chuckle. “She was prettier than me and sweet. Everyone liked her.Iloved her.”
“And I bet she loved you just as much.”
He shook his head. “I shouldn’t have left her. I broke her heart.”
I touched my fingers to his chin and turned his face toward me again. “Boy, listen to me. You were abused and manipulated by a bad man. You were young and he took advantage of you. It’s him who is at fault, not you. He did that to her.”
“But—”
“No. No buts.” I firmed up my voice and stared down at him. “This is your Daddy speaking now. I won’t let you take blame for something that wasn’t your fault, do you understand?”
His bottom lip wobbled and he nodded with a shaky smile. “Yes, Daddy.”
“Good boy.” I wiped my thumb under his eyes where tears managed to escape. “Do you know why I want your old childhood friend to come around to our house?”
He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and shook his head.
“It’s not to torture you, Phoenix. It’s to heal you. I care about you and want you to have peace, but to do that you need to know about your past, about who you were before that horrible human being.” I tickled my finger down his cheek and across his mouth, tugging at his bottom lip to free it from the prison of his teeth. “Don’t do that or you’ll split your lip, and I don’t ever want to see you hurt again.”
His gaze softened and he melted against me. “Yes, Daddy.”
“But, baby boy, I never want to hurt you emotionally, either. If you don’t want to do this tonight—”
