He dropped his phone and grabbed my arms, and I couldn’t stop myself from cringing. Never mind that he’d never hurt me, my body went haywire. “You’re bigger. And a cop. Why are you a cop?”
His fingers tightened on me, and I wasn’t ready for it when he hugged me. “You’re alive! We thought you had to be dead. You’ve been missing for so long, where have you been?”
“I was....” There was no way to talk about it. “Why are you here? Are you seeing Mr. Jericho or one of the other psychologists?” It was a silly thing to ask, considering how huge his question had been, but I was in shock.
His face fell. “My partner was shot and died.” He touched the gleaming gold badge on his chest.
My heart nearly stopped. “I didn’t know you were gay. How long were you together? Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
He let me go and smiled. “Work partner.”
I still hated the sound of someone dying, so I gave him a hug, even though I hadn’t seen him in years. He was different but the same, and my mind still hadn’t caught up to seeing him. It was like time was going backward, and I felt a little weird and fuzzy.
Jesse grinned, stepped back, and held me at arm’s length while glancing down my body. “I can’t believe I’m here to get help because of someone I lost, and I found the first person who ever vanished on me.” He hugged me again, and I sank into the embrace. I’d missed him. Memories rushed in on me. At first, I’d missed him a lot, but over time I’d been so caught up in every tense second with Perry I couldn’t think of anything other than the present moment. I survived one second, only to live fully in the next one and try to endure it. I was always stressed, always worried.
“Oh, my mom!” My knees turned to Jell-O and hope surged in me. Jesse could help! “How is she? Where is she living?” His face crumpled, and I knew before he opened his mouth. She’d always worked more than one job, always pushed herself too hard. “No.”
“I’m sorry. She died three years ago. She had a heart problem no one knew about, and you know she used to drink those energy drinks all the time and smoke. She collapsed at work and that was it. She was at the post office by then, thought she could keep looking for you that way, run across some mail going to you, if you just took off and were living somewhere else the way everyone kept telling her you did.”
“Oh.”
He grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. “She never stopped looking for you. You’re why I became a cop.” He leaned close, and I was shocked—but not—when he pressed a kiss to my cheek. “Fuck, Phoenix, I thought we’d find your skeleton in a bayou someday, if it still existed.” He studied my face, and the sun started to get to me, or maybe that was my brain overheating. Sweat made my clothes stick to my body, and I wanted to hide.
“You were going to get a business degree,” I said, because that was all my mind would let me focus on. I was hurting inside and couldn’t process it all.
He smiled. “I was, but then I thought helping people made more sense.”
Dead.I’d been stuck in that hellish house, and Mom had died. At least it happened at work and not while she was alone. I’d been terrified I would die by myself, curled up in a ball on the kitchen floor. I turned from Jesse, feeling hollow, and walked away. I went to the sidewalk, not sure where I was going, maybe around the block, but I knew I couldn’t stay still. Jesse caught up with me while shoving his phone into his pocket, and he matched my pace.
“I’m sorry, but can you leave me alone?” I asked and wiped at my face with my palms.
“Not until you tell me where you disappeared to!” He sounded outraged, and I supposed he had a right to it, but I was full of my own emotions crashing together like waves—happiness at seeing Jesse... and grief over Mom....
My hands curled into fists, and I raised them to my head. I didn’t want to hurt myself, but I smacked them against my temples until he reached out and snagged my wrists to stop me. “No. I can’t.”
Rosy turned the corner ahead of us and came walking down the sidewalk in little white shorts with rainbows around the rolled-up legs and a pink tank top. He was talking on his phone when his gaze landed on me, and he shoved it into his back pocket as he raced in our direction.
“Hey, you! Just because you’re a cop doesn’t mean you can bother him. He wouldn’t hurt a flea. You need to let him go!”
For a while nothing made sense—Rosy shouted, Jesse yelled back. I didn’t feel like I could understand everything the people around me were saying. Baker came up to start yelling at Jesse, too, and even with his cute, round face, he looked scary. He used his size to attempt to intimidate Jesse, although it didn’t seem to be working. Baker got so upset sweat broke out on his forehead and his short dark hair stuck to his face. Eventually everything went quiet.
“Do you need a drink of water?” Rosy asked.
I nodded, and Rosy took me inside the clinic to the meeting room, leading me along like a puppy, and all I could do was put one foot in front of the other. Mr. Jericho came and sat at my side, but I couldn’t answer any of his questions, and he left again. Jesse didn’t go away like I’d asked, and he made the memories crowd against my skull. The time we’d gone skydiving. The time his family had taken me camping. His parents were so nice to me, the kid who was always home alone. They had checked to make sure there was food in the house, asking about it on the sly. When the fridge was empty, his mother would stop by with a casserole, claiming she made too much. Tears slid down my face. I’d missed them.
I wasn’t sure I wanted Jesse to leave, but I couldn’t talk. He grabbed my hand, and when I became aware of my surroundings again I was sitting on a wooden chair in the big room where the group meetings were held.
More time passed, and I was startled as Daddy went to his knees on the gleaming oak floor in front of me. The world started spinning again and everything was normal. I threw myself into his arms, and he caught me.
“Can I visit you sometime?” Jesse asked from somewhere behind me. “I’m sorry about your mom.”
“You know him?” Daddy asked sharply.
I shrugged.
Jesse said yes.
“Please, talk to me for a minute.” Daddy’s request sounded a lot like begging.
