His eyes widened and his mouth hardened, and if his arms hadn’t stayed so strong and cozy around me, I might’ve been scared.
“Daddy?”
He shook his head, but he didn’t seem to be in a hurry to go anywhere anymore.
My stomach sank—I’d done the wrong thing again, asked the wrong question. “Sorry, Daddy.”
“It’s okay.” He kissed my temple but didn’t answer the question.
12
GIAN
Seven months rolledby so fast I didn’t know it was nearing September until Phoenix nervously asked me if he could buy some things for school. We’d fallen into a routine during our time together, and while I’d become accustomed to kissing him gently on the lips without any real shame, we hadn’t gone further than that—well, other than the time in the confessional, which I refused to think about. I’d taken advantage of him and wasn’t ever going to do that again.
He’d been sleeping on the futon in my room, which was both a blessing and a curse. I was there to comfort him if he had a bad night and needed me, but being able to see him as I drifted off to sleep, especially when I knew without a doubt he would happily cuddle in my arms—and more—was a true test of my willpower.
One nice improvement had taken me by surprise; Phoenix’s codependency seemed to be gradually disappearing. He still clung to me sometimes, which I never minded, and I wouldn’t say he truly enjoyed doing anything alone, but he was slowly forcing himself to brave the world. He had discussions alone with Jericho about twice a week, which weren’t full-fledged therapy sessions, but helped. I was proud of him because he was also still sticking it out with the group therapy meetings, including occasionally attending an extra one on the weekends, and those often left him anxious afterward.
The one thing that shocked me the most was that Phoenix also had begun to run errands alone outside of the church for the nuns. When he’d first started helping the Sisters he’d taken one of them along with him, but now he occasionally made the choice to go unaccompanied. He still had his bad days, though, and there didn’t seem to be a good way to predict when they would show up.
Those moments when something dark seemed to take over his mind and blow out the light in his eyes scared me and made me worry, probably more than I should, but I couldn’t help it.
When it came to Phoenix I was concerned about his mental health because the closer we became, the more alarming pieces of information I unearthed. He’d been abused and had missing memories of his real family, the ones who truly mattered. It helped that Mamma had taken him under her wing, teaching him new recipes every week. On Saturdays he went to her house in the Émeraude District, and they would make a week’s worth of food for the entire family, including us. He always came home with containers full of good food that had my gut feeling chubbier than it had before I’d met him.
“Mamma made ravioli and arancini balls for us today,” he said, when I walked through the door on Saturday afternoon. I’d spent the day at church while he cooked with Mamma, and the grin on his face made coming home worth it. He lit up the small room, eyes bright and cheeks flushed with the kind of happiness I hadn’t truly seen from him until recently.
“Who made them for us?” I asked, the same as I always did. I came into the kitchen where he stood and pecked him gently on the lips; he tasted like tomato sauce and herbs from sampling as he cooked. I smoothed my thumb over the light scar on his chin, tracing the thin line across his skin.
He laughed, the corners of his eyes crinkling, and brushed a hand through his hair. The dark strands fluttered around his shoulders. “Mamma and I did.”
I gave him a sharp glance as I laid my hand on his hip, and it caused him to laugh harder.
“I did.”
I tapped him on the nose, and he wrinkled it at me. He was so damn cute like this. “Good. Remember what Jericho said, you need to take credit for your achievements, own them.”
“Yes, Daddy.” He tipped his chin up, and I sighed dramatically, then laid another kiss on his lips like he wanted.
I enjoyed the feeling of his mouth against mine, and even though guilt gnawed inside me, I rationalized this was helping him connect. Abuse did unimaginable things to people, and Phoenix had grown since I’d first met him. He still suffered severe PTSD and had traumatic responses, but he’d become... happier. That didn’t stop Jericho from warning me it was far from over. He’d been trying to push Phoenix to talk about his family, but Phoenix had shut him down with a change of topic every time. Jericho had asked me to do the same thing at home, but I didn’t want to upset him. Not yet. What right did I have to ask him to speak about sensitive history when I couldn’t talk about mine? He’d asked me about the accident, and I’d ignored the question. He’d never asked again, but sometimes I caught him watching me, and I suspected he hadn’t forgotten.
“What did Mamma have to say today?” I stepped away from him and grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl on the counter, then took a healthy bite. I’d forgotten to eat all day and my stomach growled in protest at the lack of food.
He blinked those mismatched eyes at me, dark lashes fluttering over his pale cheeks. My insides warmed. How did someone so beautiful live in my home?
“She mentioned Toma again.”
I winced at Tommaso’s name and chewed on the piece of apple in my mouth before I responded. “What did the idiot do now?”
He crooked a grin at me. In the small interactions they’d had, which were few and far between, Phoenix had decided he didn’t like Toma, and I didn’t blame him one bit. Toma had been an ass every time. If he wasn’t my cousin I’d have nothing to do with him, but I was firmly stuck in this pit with Ric and the organization again.
“He got arrested.” I didn’t miss the pure enjoyment in his expression.
“Fuck.” I shook my head as Phoenix laughed.
“Daddy, you shouldn’t be swearing like that.” He wriggled a teasing finger at me, and I went to catch it, but he jerked his hand away before I could. “He went off the rails at a club and pummeled a guy.”
“Why? What for?” I asked, almost too scared to know.
